I was talking to a non-trans lesbian friend a while back, and she was complaining about a trans woman she knew who was “reinforcing female gender stereotypes” by wearing frilly or low-cut dresses, high heels, “big” hair, and lots of makeup.
“She’s perpetuating the images that we’re trying to get rid of,” my friend protested. “Aren’t trans people supposed to be tearing down the gender binary, not building it up?”
Umm, well, actually … no.
That’s not our job. It would be nice if that happened, and I hope that we’re a part of that, but not all trans people want to eliminate the gender binary, and it’s not our responsibility to single-handedly rip it down, brick by brick.
In fact, if anything is our “job” (and nothing is), it is to ensure that all forms of gender expression are accepted and embraced — including “traditional” femininity and masculinity.
The trans woman in question was early in her transition. It’s quite possible that she will eventually lighten up.
I have found, in my experience and in watching many other trans people transition, that a lot of us tend to start out by adopting some of the relatively strict gender roles that exist and by asserting our “new” gender by displaying some hyper-masculine or hyper-feminine behaviors. Many of us gradually drift back toward “center.”
But some of us don’t. And that’s okay.
For those of us who truly dislike the binary gender system and who truly want to see it relaxed, expanded, or eliminated, it can be frustrating to see trans people who have the opportunity to challenge the system go with the flow instead — or even go with the tidal wave and subscribe more strictly to binary gender codes than even most non-trans people do.
Some of the most “traditionally” feminine and “traditionally” masculine people I have known have been trans people. The biggest male chauvinist that I have ever met in my life is a trans man. If he’s reading this, he knows I’m referring to him, because we have joked about it before. And some people would find that not only disgusting, but somehow a “betrayal” of what trans people are supposed to be and do in order to tear down the walls of the oppressive gender system.
But the reality is that those of us who criticize these “traditionally” feminine and masculine trans people are just as rigid in our beliefs and expectations as is the binary gender system that we want to eliminate.
When we talk about accepting and embracing gender in all its variations, do we really mean “all”? Or do we mean only those variations that do not conform to traditional gender roles?
When we talk about celebrating all expressions of gender, do we really mean “all” — or just those that don’t fit into the binary?
Part of the freedom to express our gender as we wish is the freedom to express it in traditional ways. There is a wide, almost unlimited, spectrum of gender expression. In order to allow everyone the freedom to express his or her gender as he or she wishes, then we have to accept all forms of gender expression and fight for the rights of everyone — not just a select few who challenge the system.
Until we embrace every person’s right to truly be him- or herself — even if that means frilly dresses and high heels — then we are no better than the system that puts us in little categories and boxes and expects us to behave.
We end up doing exactly the same thing — and the new boss becomes the same as the old one.
(Photo: me being feminine)
Guy’s clothes are very boring. When I lived as a guy, I tried to spice up my wardrobe with Hawaiian shirts and such, but mostly it was usually the basic, button-front shirt, jeans and cowboy boots. Today, as a woman, I positively revel in the variety of clothing available to me. Now, if I could just afford to buy more skirts . . . and shoes, of course.
From one transwoman’s perspective: I think there’s that “gender euphoria” a lot of us experience when we first come out in public. There are all these things that we associate as “feminine” that we have avoided most of our lives at least publicly. When we first come out, it’s like an attractor we are orbiting. Then reality begins to set in. No one is going to take a 53 year old woman serious who is in a minidress and thigh high stockings and a page-boy hair style. So we seek a comfort zone – appropriate enough to fit in. In my case, still early in transition, I find myself swinging like a pendulum from totally masculine dress to more feminine – and the pendulum seems to be swinging around a somewhat soft butch style. I aim to be perceived as female, but dressed for comfort – someone other women and men would want to know and be friends with. I think this is not too unlike normal adolescence (without the grown-ups around to tell me “You’re going out of the house in THAT?”)
I agree with both of you. The freedom of gender expression is to wear what’s comfortable for exactly who you are. And, as with everyone, that can change with mood, moment, and situation.
By the way, I had an incredible wardrobe when I was female, and one thing I have found about guys’ clothes is that they’re a little boring!
As a trans woman myself, I have never really looked at this as anything other than me being myself. Basically, I dress in whatever manner I feel like at the time… sometimes a dress, sometimes pants. I have that freedom, and I have no intention of giving it up just because someone claims that I’m reinforcing some sort of stereotype. After all, I broke out of the box that society tried to keep me in… so why should I allow one small segment of that society to put me in another one by claiming I shouldn’t dress a certain way!
If someone can’t accept me for me, without trying to dictate how I should look or act, then they’re no better than the patriarchal fundies that they rally against.
Being true to oneself, no matter what others may think… THAT is what it should be about.
Aren’t trans people supposed to be tearing down the gender binary, not building it up?”
Umm, well, actually … no.
In fact, if anything is our “job” (and nothing is), it is to ensure that all forms of gender expression are accepted and embraced — including “traditional” femininity and masculinity.
I have found, in my experience and in watching many other trans people transition, that a lot of us tend to start out by adopting some of the relatively strict gender roles that exist and by asserting our “new” gender by displaying some hyper-masculine or hyper-feminine behaviors. Many of us gradually drift back toward “center
bravo to this post, most radical feminists are at war with trans people, because they simply just do not understand where we are coming from. some of us embrace the gender binary and some of us do not. its all about freedom of gender expression in the end. No way are we reinforcing the gender binary. we are just being us. we are not asking anybody to strictly follow the rules of being a man or woman. they are no rules !!
Yeah, I have real strong feelings about this. I have found that, in some circles, freedom of gender expression is only granted to those who express their gender in non-traditional ways.
We can’t have it both ways. We either embrace all gender expressions or we are no different from those who only accept the narrow, prescribed male and female roles that the binary allows.
Wow, that picture! *swoon*
I like what you said, Matt, but I have to disagree about one thing – men’s clothes don’t have to be boring . . . you just have to know where to shop, dude.
Maybe it’s me that’s boring. Why do I look so boring in men’s clothes?
I’ll bet you a GI Joe that you wouldn’t look boring in a nice tux . . . hey, it works for James Bond.
The thing I have a problem with is when people (trans or not) associate certain things with a specific gender, e.g. skirts = female. Wearing a skirt is not a “female” thing.
That I absolutely agree with. Those are the things that are totally related to socialization and whatever decisions the culture made about what people should do, have, and wear. I personally don’t have any problem with people subscribing to their culture’s norms, if that’s what they are comfortable with. I do have a problem with the culture designating what is “male” and “female” with regard to clothing, activities, or pretty much anything else.