I recently found out that “dude” is now a gender-neutral term — or maybe a better way to say that is “a term to refer to any gender.” I don’t use the word myself, because it came into widespread use after my time.
Yes, we had Mott the Hoople’s “All the Young Dudes” (one of my all-time favorites, because I was 17 and wishing I was a young dude), but the band was definitely referring to young men. Nowadays, everyone is calling everyone “dude” — young men, young women, and probably everybody else.
The equivalent of that in my generation might have been “you guys” — I don’t know how long that particular phrase has been around, but I know that I started using it when I was a kid, and have continued to use it through yesterday. I probably always will.
“You guys” were my parents (a male and a female), my friends (all females), and any combination of genders that happened to be in a group. As I grew up, the phrase never went away, and it never meant “male” to me.
“You guys” is different from “a guy.” “A guy” is a man. I would never look at a woman and say, “See that guy over there?” But I would say, “Do you guys want to go with me?” to a group of women. Why it’s different, I don’t know — maybe for the same reason that women are now called “dude.”
But my “you guys” habit of speech — which is so ingrained that I often don’t notice it — might be offensive to some trans women, who don’t realize that I don’t see them as “guys,” but as “you guys” — an entirely different thing.
I thought about this the other day when I was taking a picture of two trans women, and I said, “Can you guys stand over here where the light is better?” I know these women very well and I’ve known them for a long time — there’s nothing male about them. I didn’t think about it at the time, because the term is just part of my speech, but I worried later that they might be offended. They’re my age, so they may have grown up with “you guys” as a term that referenced everyone — but that doesn’t mean they liked it.
Certainly, if I was standing with another trans guy and someone said, “Can you gals stand over here where the light is better?” I would probably be offended — or at least irritated. But, in another example of male terms, clothing, behaviors, and what-have-you being acceptable for women, but not the other way around (which I think stems from misogyny — or at least sexism), “you gals” never transcended gender like “you guys” did in my youth and like “dude” apparently does now.
I’ll never have to worry about saying, “Dude, where’s my car?” to anybody, but “you guys” is firmly entrenched.
I would like to hear from people — particularly women — about their feeling about “you guys.”
victoria, if I was talking to a group of boys, I would say, “What are you guys going to do?” Or if I was talking to one guy about his friends and him, I would says, “What are you going to do with your friends?” But that’s an age difference. Some younger people might say, “What are you dudes going to do?”
Some people might say, “Are you meeting up with your boys later?” But I wouldn’t say that. I would say, “Are you meeting up with your friends later?”
I don’t know if there are any new terms out there, but if I was talking to someone and referring to a group of his friends, I would just say “your friends.” (I hope I understood the question right.)
hii
but when ur talking to a boy and you wanna say: when you are with your friends… Can you say your guys or your dudes? Or is it gay for him?
Do you know anyother new expressions?
Thankss
Thanks for all your comments.
“Dude” seems to be turning up more and more here in Colorado among young women calling each other that. I guess it’s my age, but I will always have a hard time seeing women as “dudes.”
radicalbitch, I have actually had a similar experience with some gay men who use the terms “she” and “girl” to refer to other men. One of them called me “she” in that context, and I knew what he meant, but he then fell all over himself trying to explain, which was when the irritation started. I think I will write a post about that next week. Thanks for the idea.
The use never bothered me but when someone knows my history, does a double take after saying it and then proceeds to go all defensive with an “explanation” I know would not have happened absence knowledge of my history…..then I get mildly annoyed.
That’s when I consider it an “othering”……fwiw, as a feminist, I just plain find it annoying but not worth raising a row about since it is so damn common.
I am a 35 year old trans woman and I and all my friends all use ‘you guys’ as a catch-all term as well so it doesn’t bother me, I don’t even consciously register it. I do have some friends (trans women) who get offended by any use of ‘guy’ or ‘guys’ in relation to them so I think it’s one of those things that is going to be different from one person to the next. Now ‘guy’ or ‘dude’ are off limits with me and all the women I know. I was out with my sister and her friends recently (they are mid twenties) and someone addressed one of them as ‘dude’ and she told him ‘I am not a dude’ in no uncertain terms so I don’t think that Dude is gender non specific to too many people, or at least it’s not in this area anyway.