While “passing” and “stealth” are commonly used words in the trans vocabulary, I kind of wish they would go away. They don’t offend me — I just question their benefits, and I think that the notions can hurt us.
“Passing” seems to be used more at the beginning of transition (I used it myself) in order to measure progress — I’m “passing” 50 percent of the time, I’m “passing” 75 percent of the time. Many people, eventually, come to the point of “passing” 100 percent of the time — but what are they “passing” as?
Are these people not who they say they are? “Passing” seems to indicate as much — a falsehood or an attempt to be something that you are not. If a transsexual person transitions from female to male or vice versa, changes his or her paperwork, and lives in the gender that matches his or her identity, is that person not then a man or a woman — even if the person chooses to use the descriptor “trans”?
If people call me “sir,” are they wrong? Am I just “passing” for who I say I am? And if I’m not who I say I am, then who am I? This is not an existentialist question designed to keep us up at night. The word “passing” serves a purpose, but it can also help us internalize the notion that we’re not, somehow, “real.” And it can convey that same message to others.
And what about those who don’t “pass” — ever? What about those people who are always and immediately recognized as trans? If they don’t “pass,” does this mean that they are not legitimate?
If we use “passing” as a measure of transition “success,” then we leave out an entire group of people whose identification is just as real as anyone else’s, but who are unable to conform to society’s notions of male and female, man and woman, and so are always standing on the perimeter of legitimacy.
In my mind, “passing” as a man or a woman, rather than being one, indicates a deception. Again, I understand the purpose, but I also think that the word, and the notion, can be damaging to us. If we live our lives believing that we are “passing,” then we can never fully embrace who we really are.
Next time: stealth (although you know what I’m going to say).
What do you think?
Fasinating post. I had never thought of the use of the word “passing” as having so much hidden meaning. Thanks for opening my eyes!
Never really like to use the expression “passing” but we are a bit lacking in alternative descriptions which are commonly understood.
As you say some of us “could not be taken for our chosen gender 100% of the time in this lifetime”. Sometimes I am accepted as a female, much of the time seen as “something else”. I have live in the centre of a gender spectrum for over half a lifetime but still the world only wants us to disappear seamlessly into an unreasonable artificial binary construct. For safety to pass as on of these binaries is what many dream of. If only there was not this pressure to conform many people, not only trans identified, would have a happier life, dream on…
Caroline
Personally, I hate the term “pass” because that insinuates that there is a “fail”, and you don’t fail at being yourself, which is ultimately the goal of transition, I feel.
I think we need to rethink the terminology we use as a group. Personally, I use “blend in” to indicate the same concept as “passing” because I feel that it’s less offensive. Although the issue in my case isn’t about whether or not I’m lying about who I say I am; it’s more of a security issue for me since I’m more liable to be harassed/assaulted/insulted if I don’t blend in.
Really, blending in is subjective. Even cisgendered or non-transgendered people have a variety of looks and elements to their appearance, so in reality there is more flexibility than we might think there really is.
I avoid using this word when referring to other trans people for all these reasons. I prefer the phrase “perceived as male/female/etc”. And even then, I would only bring up the subject if it were relevant; I’d never use it to judge someone.
I’d like the term “passing” a lot more if it were also used for non-trans people. That queers things up a bit — it implies that everyone can “fail” at their gender. Not that I believe that one can fail at being oneself — it’s a way of pointing out that society judges everyone according to certain norms.
Remember that the term “passing” has a long history, both as passing for a different race (light skinned legal blacks passing as white in the US among many others), and passing as a different sex (females passing as males to escape a limited and oppressed life in many times/places).
It may be that this just reinforces your dislike of the term, as the above examples were both legal acts, while T passing is more of a social act, and US blacks and women may resent T people adopting “their term” (not to mention the conflict between TS and CD use of the term), but it is a well-known and long-lived term with a pretty accepted meaning: To be accepted as the identity you express full time.
I do agree with Katie that blend in is much preferable for me, as that conveys being accepted and reduces physical risk. But there are people who have no intention or desire to blend in (or pass), but they still want acceptance. I don’t have a word for their action. (Of course “citizens who should have equal rights” and “people who shouldn’t be discriminated against because they choose to not blend in/pass” apply, but aren’t what the subject is about, as you well appreciate.) This also applies to those who want to blend in/pass, but face significant physical obstacles.
Whether one prefers pass, blend-in, perceived as, or some other term, the concept is useful as an indicator of personal goals toward acceptance and safety, always bearing in mind that the group with which one wants to blend in with may be other than mainstream. Regardless, we all want acceptance from some group and safety from all groups.
Karen
Thanks for all your great comments. I definitely like “blending in” rather than passing–passing has always had negative connotations for me, even though, as I said before, I have used it many times, especially early in my transition. I used the “passing 50 percent of the time” and so on to measure progress toward a goal, as Karen said.
It just seems fraught with complications. To me, it seems to convey a concept that you’re not what you say you are–that you’re “passing” for something you’re not. In my mind, it’s different for trans people than the other historical usages.
Somehow, for me, when talking about “passing” for a man, it conveys a falsehood–I’m not really a man, I’m just “passing” for one. And it seems like that’s what the right wing uses against us–”You’re not really this, you’re just pretending. You can’t really be this.”
I have used the word “assimilate” to reflect the same concept that other people have used “passing” or “stealth” for, but I don’t like that word, either, because I think it has its own set of negative connotations. Blending in sounds favorable to me, because that seems more to be just not standing out–just being whoever it is that you are (and being accepted for whatever identity you present).
I’m rambling (what’s new?). But I really like all these perspectives–thank you.