Is privacy a thing of the past? The Internet has certainly made it seem so. Everything you post, from your Facebook status to a blog to a tweet, will probably be up and available for eternity, long after anyone — including you — knows or cares.
But how much information do people really want to know about the average person — or even a celebrity? Do I care that New York graphic designer Nicholas Felton (I don’t even know who he is) eats various kinds of nuts? Or that Facebook co-founder Mark Zuckerberg still hugs a teddy bear? (I have a stuffed hippo.)
That’s what Ryan Bigge of TheStar.com writes about in its article “Openness is becoming the default social norm.” What drew me to the article was the quote by trans activist Andrea James about being a “non-private person.” James’ quote came from a post she wrote on boingboing.net called “The ascendancy of the non-private person.” James says that non-private people have nothing to hide, so nothing that becomes public knowledge can hurt them.
That’s kind of my philosophy with regard to being out as trans. If I’m out, I don’t have to keep looking over my shoulder. I don’t have to keep worrying about what will catch up with me, what will be discussed about me, when I might be outed, or who might find out.
Regular readers here know that I peed my pants in sixth grade and that I often discuss personal experiences that I have had, even if they are sometimes unpleasant. It’s not like I’m worried that this stuff might get out, so I better tell it first (no one in my sixth grade class has attempted to blackmail me yet). I just generally write about things that have happened to me in the context of a larger issue.
Regardless, I guess that definitely makes me a non-private person (although I can’t imagine that anyone cares what kind of nuts I eat).
But there are some things, no matter how non-private I am, that I won’t write about. I was recently asked why my book doesn’t deal with what was going on with me before I started transition. And while I have a book in the works about my childhood and adolescence, I will never write about — or talk about — my life situation directly before transition.
The reason for that is because I was married, and my husband and I split up because of my transition. I have a great deal of respect for him, and by not writing about him, I was attempting to protect him.
The oddest thing about the whole mess was that, after my book came out, he was hurt that I didn’t write about him. He felt dismissed. He felt that he was unimportant in my life and that I chose to ignore him and act like those years never happened. I explained to him that I was trying to protect him — that I wasn’t going to use him to sensationalize or add drama to my situation.
Certainly, it would have done that had I written about it. It would have provided the misery and agony that a lot of publishers said they wanted when they rejected my manuscript. Sorry. I wasn’t going to make up misery and agony that wasn’t there in order to get a book published, and I wasn’t going to exploit my ex-husband in order to add legitimate misery and agony to my book.
So I’m a non-private person with one exception — and it’s going to stay that way. But I will tell you what kind of nuts I like: walnuts in brownies and fudge, and peanuts at a baseball game. Now I have (almost) nothing to hide.
(Photo: me shortly before transition — work ID photo)
I have always been a non-private person. I’ve never shied away from personal questions and sometimes have given people way more info than they expected or wanted when they asked.
I’ve started writing about and publishing parts of old diaries on my blog. It’s embarrassing and it leaves me vulnerable, but it’s also empowering. It’s more empowering than it is embarrassing…so I guess it’s a net gain.
I recently had an anonymous comment to one of those diary blog posts. This very private person (so courageous to not put their name to their words) told me I am a disgrace to the TG community. I knew when I decided to write honestly I would run into this once in a while. It’s nothing new. I appeared on the Discovery Channel once and someone on a roller coaster news group wrote that I was “a fat fag looking for a walloping”. Clever clever person.
I still can only live my life as a non-private person. It’s not really a choice.
Oh…and I love cashews…
Wow. I just read on your blog about your commenter. This is not your problem–this is his/hers. And what a problem it is!
I hope this person is eventually able to deal with his/her own stuff, whether its gender stuff, sexual orientation stuff, or something that he/she has carried around since high school (a gesture or statement that was misinterpreted, maybe?).
Whatever it is, I hope that this person can eventually reconcile it or learn to let it go. And I hope you don’t let it keep you from writing.
I am a very private person. Privacy is freedom to me. My medical history is my own business. I am not ashamed of it. I prefer to choose who I confide in. The wealthy are able to retain their privacy while those of us on the lower economic strata are losing ours. I need space and dignity, and an opportunity to have private thoughts and dreams. For me, full disclosure is equal to enslavement.
Keep posting stuff like this i really like it