A reader asks, “Why do some trans guys not want phalloplasty?”
Although I can’t speak for every guy who does not want this surgery (or series of surgeries), I can provide my own reasons for going dickless in Denver, and I can also speak to what I have heard from other guys about their own reasons. Of course, I’m hoping that readers will chime in as well.
When I first started transition 13 years ago, I desperately desired a dick, and I’m not talking about on a partner (although I did want that, too). I felt that I needed those parts, and I felt inadequate and incomplete without them. There were times when this was difficult for me.
But in the U.S., we have no insurance coverage for these procedures, and I was looking at $60,000. Well, actually, I wasn’t looking at $60,000, which was the problem. I simply couldn’t afford it, and I couldn’t imagine how I would ever get that kind of money. Even metoidioplasty with scrotal construction was far beyond my price range.
And although I had seen some really excellent metoidioplasty results, I was less than enamored with the results I had seen with phallo. I had also just had chest surgery, and I wasn’t certain that I could endure, either physically or psychologically, another series of surgeries, even if I did have the money. But I didn’t, so everything else was a moot point.
Fast forward 13 years. The results of phalloplasty have improved dramatically over the last few years. There are many new and innovative techniques. But I am still looking (or not looking) at around $60,000, give or take, and I have also aged 13 years. I still don’t have the money, and the thought of going through those multiple surgeries gets less and less attractive the older I get.
Some people might say, “Over 13 years, you couldn’t have saved some money?” Well, no, I couldn’t. But honestly, it’s been a long time since I’ve cared. I don’t intend to have genital surgery. For me, what you see (or don’t see) is what you get, and you can take it or leave it.
My factory-installed equipment works just fine, and I haven’t had any complaints. Those who would be the most likely to complain are those who are least likely to get themselves in a position to do so, anyway. Basically, they know the score before the game even starts, and they can choose to play or not.
I also don’t pack on a regular basis, although I am not immune to its charms, and I do own a nice packer, just in case.
But my own story aside, here are the top reasons that I have heard from guys who are not having phallo:
> No money (this is, in my estimation, by far the biggest reason for not getting bigger).
> Results are unsatisfactory (but, as I said, this no longer holds true as much, because the surgery has improved quite a bit and most guys are finding the results very satisfactory).
> Have health complications that prevent this type of surgery (or sometimes any surgery).
> Do not want to endure multiple surgeries.
> Prefer a non-standard body for political or other reasons.
> Body is acceptable just the way it is.
For many guys, hormones and chest surgery are the essential parts of the process, and the outward male appearance and being treated as a man by society are the most important factors leading to physical and psychological well-being.
That said, there are a couple of implications to all this talk of phallo and the “choice” of whether or not to have it.
And the first one is the implication of “choice.” If someone (like me) doesn’t want to have phalloplasty, does that mean that it’s not medically necessary?
The second one has to do with not having surgery for whatever reason. If we reveal to non-trans people (particularly the non-trans people “in charge” of the laws that regulate health care, public accommodations, and so on) that not all of us do have genital surgery, which is considered to be the legitimizing step in a transition – the one that makes us “legal” – are we hurting our own quest for legitimacy and equality?
Since this post is already longer than anything I have ever seen on any of my non-trans male partners, I will address those two questions in Part Two, which I will post tomorrow.
Readers, it’s your turn: Why do some trans guys not want phalloplasty?
Great Post as Usual Matt!
Personally, I like my little guy! I might consider enhancing him a bit with a metoidioplasty with hookups as he is a good candidate for this, but he is all mine and I like it that way. He looks, feels and behaves almost all the ways I would want him to, and why mess with a good thing?
You mostly covered all the bases, I think. 98% of the time, I just don’t care. The 2% of the time that I’m feeling insecure is during sex, which, advances aside, are the dodgiest part of phalloplasty.
For $60k, that sucker better not just be adequate. If I’m dropping that kind of cash, it better fire goddamn lasers.
in Czech Republic the trans persons get the full coverage by the basic compulsory health insurance so the money is not the issue..
issue is the medical incompetency when it comes to creating of the penis
doctors are not gods
and to own an object attached to one’s own body
that bears purely a decorative value makes no sense
(at least not to me)
I want the full waterworks inclusive of the sperm..
I want erection upon the twitch of excitement when being attracted to someone
I want the naturally raising solid hardness for the games to begin and naturally descend when they end
and that, my friend is not about to be granted to me by the good doc
miracles don’t happen and surgeries have an outcome with limited results
I know that I don’t want
multiple scars and multiple surgeries leading to urinary tract infections
and I know that I don’t want
elevation devices
doctor Frankenstein can save my motoric back muscle in its place of origin and the three stage operation motion of one year can be someone else’s reality
phalloplasty is an illusion
and as far as air castles go
my princess can share my phantom penis or indulge in the factory designed transman’s best friend..
my apologies for the lack in my language grasp
all my best,
Maty
Um, yeah dude, what you all said. The easiest way I’ve found to explain this to cisgender people is to simply say:
“Um, that would be a HOUSE swingin around down there. I could have something that might or might not function, or I could buy a house.”
If I could even save the money to begin with. Which isn’t happening.
I’ll be lucky if I can get the money together to get rid of the stuff inside that needs taking out.
What Maty said. If I can’t get one that works, why should I have one?
It’s all about the limited functionality for me. I’m a bottom anyway, so buying a piece of equipment that I’d have to artificially pump to achieve erection (when I can get a real, smaller version for a fraction of the effort) is just not worth it. The equipment I have is fully functional and will serve 90% of the purposes I am likely to want it for. The remaining 10% (which mainly consists of “peeing upright”) can be covered quite nicely with a far less expensive device.
I would possibly consider a meta in the future but kind of doubt I would do even that. Right now I’m looking at a serious lack of funds to even get my hormones, so surgery is way way off at this point. But even if I had the money, I think I’d say no. The idea of a knife around my most sensitive bits makes me really nervous.
I liked the comment about the House. =)
I’m too old to care (I don’t even pack most of the time) and the money I make for the rest of my life is already spoken for (elderly father moving in with me, student loans, House).
Bottom line:
What is available is not satisfactory for me.
I think Maty said it best (Maty, I think you grasp the language very well, by the way), but the I agree with everyone else too. In fact, you already listed all my reasons, Matt – except for the “non-standard body for political reasons” reason. That one doesn’t apply to me.
As for the question of hurting our own quest for legitimacy . . . I dunno, man. It makes no sense to me to reveal these details to people who won’t get it and will therefore categorize us improperly. Not to mention, it’s nobody’s business unless they’re sleeping with me.
I look forward to Part 2.
First time I’m making a comment.
Every time phallo is mentioned, I start hearing chimes from transmen arguing vehemently that it’s not needed and even putting down people who had it as insecure, needing validation, having a lousy surgery, yadda yadda. It is starting to tick me off how loudly transmen protest their right *not* to have it, because I’m just not seeing people demand transmen *need* have phallos, so who are they arguing against?
I did a phallo. So? It doesn’t matter to me whether other transmen get phallos or not…it’s just not in my mind and I don’t ask people nor do I tell people. But what I get a lot is transmen coming to ask me if it’s true what they’ve heard, that I’ve got a phallo, and defending their right to not have the surgery by putting me down. Oh, but it doesn’t work, oh but it can’t get erect, surely surgery results look bad so I can’t be satisfied, oh but they don’t need a dick to feel like a man, oh the scars are bad, they’ll never do it and why in the world would I do that.
So what? I happen to like the decorative effect, I happen to not need my penis to get erect, and I’m fine with the surgery results (which aren’t perfect, but not awful either). Why is my choice less valid than theirs? Because it’s not the currently politically correct choice?
I told a transwoman friend and she said that while cost factors are different, vaginaplasty doesn’t produce “functional” female genitalia either… unless someone is so ignorant of female anatomy that they think female genitalia is just a hole to stick penises into. What are the transmen complaining about, exactly? I didn’t see it either.
Her quite enlightening words: “Oh, don’t mind them. It’s a penis, that’s why they have high expectations. If it’s a vagina you just need a hole and everyone will be queuing up [for it].”
Good Morning, Selwyn..
don’t take it personally..
phallo, meta, no surgery
the opinion is subjective to each of us
the decision we take will only affect our own lives
plus.. transition never ends and although I vehemently argued two years ago and vowed never to have the top surgery, here I go.. I am 5 months post op
I have never wanted to be on hormones as I am a health freak
and although I was strictly against having the bottom surgery for various reasons that I still like to stick by.. I am not in a dead end of the road yet.. as I am becoming more open to choices and possibilities.. and even though I am still saying no to meta.. I am looking into it a little too often ;0)
my desires and wishes change with age
I am almost forty
I don’t disqualify the choices of the others.. I merely voicing my own personal opinions
I don’t discredit the validity of the decisions of others and I don’t question it
I am stuck on and in my own transition and question my own transition
my own operations
pros and cons of having them
if anyone else feels differently about transitioning
I fully respect his ways.. but it doesn’t mean that I must want to walk the same path..
I respect all human kind with all of their variations
back to work.. my youngest daughter is demanding my attention.. ;0)
Maty
sorry if I replied after all this time, but I’ve only just seen this post.
I’ve known about transman who WERE actually “forced” to get phalloplasty in order to be legally recognized as male in their country/by a particular judge/etc.
So in some cases it is necessary to clarify the right NOT to get a phallo for transguys.
As for meta/non-op guys putting down phallo guys, I know of this and it’s surely unfair, but I’ve also witnessed phallo guys putting down meta/non-op guys as “not being trans enough” or shit like that.
There are idiots in any league, after all.
Thank you all for your comments and for the great discussion. And Selwyn, I don’t think you should have to defend yourself any more than a guy who doesn’t have phallo should have to defend himself.
I have friends who have had phallo and are very happy with it. They wouldn’t have it any other way. I have other friends who have not, and want it desperately. They just can’t afford it. I have other friends who have had metoidioplasty and are very happy with it. And I know guys like myself who are fine without having surgery.
But I would question the motivation behind guys who put YOU down personally for having it, rather than just saying, “Oh, that’s great, but it’s not for me” (or just saying, “Oh, that’s great”). The guys who feel the need to defend themselves or put you down when they find out that you have had phallo – there’s something else going on there, and it has nothing to do with you. It sounds like envy to me. And it sounds like their problem, not yours.
You said what I was thinking.
Surgery is not for me, but I would never personally attack a guy who had it done.
“But I would question the motivation behind guys who put YOU down personally for having it, rather than just saying, “Oh, that’s great, but it’s not for me” (or just saying, “Oh, that’s great”). The guys who feel the need to defend themselves or put you down when they find out that you have had phallo – there’s something else going on there, and it has nothing to do with you. It sounds like envy to me. And it sounds like their problem, not yours.”
http://tranifesto.com/2010/08/16/ask-matt-monday-trans-guys-and-phalloplasty-part-one/#comments
Things we don’t relate to make us feel as though said things are …alien.
Social standards of acceptable behaviour or thought are established by each and everyone of us when we simply speak out what it is we value and what we don’t value. I live among you all, people of the world, whatever your thoughts on a matter, when it’s expressed publicly, it will have an influence on me, I might be incenced by some, and completely elated by others. Through this process I will have understood what the world around me values. Wanting a place in society, closeness with said world, I will adjust my behaviour accordingly, and be sent in depressing downward spins if a nature-of-me behaviour or thought of mine is dissaproved of (it’s so natural and obvious to me, how can it be so odd and alien to an other?). This applies to all of us, a dance we dance every day.
My dad was deeply ashamed of my masculinity (being born female), I repressed it even more when I understood, while growing up, that this point of view was shared by a lot of people who expressed those views onto me, sometimes with much violence, as too many have also experienced.
For my dad, me being masculine while being femaled bodied was completely alien to him and made him feel very uncomfortable, and he acted upon it. In time I found most people felt the same, at least at different levels. Trans men who “would never have anyone come anywhere near their genitalia with a scalpel!” express their take on the matter with the same kind of energy. It’s alien to them. “Why on earth would I mess with something that works perfectly well as it is!” is one common thought on the matter.
I don’t want to have a phallo (and badly so) because my genitalia does not work well. Quite the contrary, it does what it’s supposed to do very well! And I too looove my “little guy”!!
Well, I AM one of those people who would mess with something that works perfectly well. As I stated above, we all are influence by what people say and think, we can’t help but read between the lines that my nuts are not all screwed tight up there since I so need this phallo and to do that I, me, would MESS with my body. That’s what is implied when we hear trans people mutilate their bodies. I end up feeling exacly the same way about wanting phallo that I felt when my father, and so many others, sneered at my trans/queerness (whatever they decided that was), a defect, a reject. A little bit? A lot?
I’m not the only one listening to these arguments, policy makers are also listening. Stats keepers and social research feed decision making. It sends chills down my spine that the trans profusely use such language (above), from the horse’s mouth cannot be anymore accurate a source of information, can it! In the policy/protocols making world, shades of grey don’t fare well. Can heart surgery be frivolous to some and a matter of life and death to another? Than how can it be so of phallo? When the “horse’s mouth” opens to utter such perspectives, it can only be deeply detrimental to the …other horses who don’t speak up. I don’t. I don’t because I do not want “the world” to “know” that my screws are loose, I don’t want people to think I’m a Freudian case of …penis envy. Right?
But then, I flip this on its head and make use of the same type of language against those who think that bottom surgery is messing your body up, those who state that phallo is not satisfactory, I could very well say, “not satisfactory?! What?! Gawd!! As opposed to …what exactly, dudes?!” Defensive mechanism… In and of itself, though the argument is sound and logical, it is based on one sole perspective, not the whole picture, therefore is of no value, even more so that this kind of comment is just as hurtful and insulting as the former arguement.
I was planning to move out of province to have my phallo where public health care foots the tab. Now, I just heard that they capped the number of phallos they do yearly over there (as is done with top surgery in the province where I presently live). I would end up on a years long waiting list. Do health care policy makers cap the number of heart surgeries, chemo or HIV/AIDS treatments they do yearly? Phallo is considered frivolous and alien by not only by a huge portion of the population and policy makers, it is also considered “an option” and often even frivolous inside the trans men community itself, not to mention it being considered a mutilation by far too great a number of my brothers. I’m facing the choice to either uproot myself and start a new life over again in an other province, at the age of 44, on the premise that I want to mutilate my perfectly good body, or stay here and face a lifetime of mental anguish for not being able to have phallo. Bottom line, what is of more value, my relationship with myself, or my relationship with the world? Does one go without the other? Does anyone know of a (not too, too invasive) way to achieve that separation?
Since sooo many vocal trans men are not interested in bottom surgery in itself, they devalue the procedure 1- to justify their choice in defense to the world who judge them for not being real men since they don’t want a dick, 2- because they identify comfortably with having a trans identity and therefore assume all trans should, often times giving more value to identifying as trans than identifying as male/man, 3- so to feel more comfortable with the fact they will always be too poor to afford the procedure, etc… etc…
Although my intellect can withstand the brunt of the disparaging comments about phallo and those who need one, my heart cannot help feeling like a little weakling and ..all together now, as a scewed up individual for I need phallo. Deep inside, fundamentally actually, I wish I could feel the same as so many trans men do! Why can’t I just BE like these guys and feel strong, and be comfortable in my skin with my original plumbing! I don’t feel like I’m less of a man because I have female genitalia, hell no!! I don’t identify to “manhood” anyway. I feel less of a person for feeling incomplete, for feeling I’m missing organs, like wanting my missing left arm, or missing vision, or missing my right foot, or feeling like I’m missing my genitals. You guys don’t feel that way, but we guys do… Who? Huh?
In closing, I’ll let my intellect speak instead of my heart. Guys, proponents of the phallo-no-good, please, for the sake of health and peace for all, and in the name of all the worldly shades I say, go to the library and read about the full spectrum of the colours of the rainbow! Phallo may be alien and no good to you, but I assure you, education is!
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Thank you Matt for allowing this forum!
You’re welcome.
Phalloplasty (or metoidioplasty) is still considered a major part of transition for many guys, and is a medical and psychological necessity. It’s not “weak” or wrong to want it. It’s part of being trans.
Some people might disagree with this, but I personally think that, as the procedure improves (which it is), when and if costs go down (which they might), and as insurance policies change (which they eventually will), we’ll see more guys, not fewer, having phallos.
There will always be those who either don’t want it or can’t have it for whatever reason. And there will always be those for whom it is absolutely essential.
Just like chemotherapy isn’t indicated for everyone who has cancer, phalloplasty might not be indicated for every guy who transitions, but, in my opinion, it should be considered a component of transition, and medically necessary for those who require it.
If someone wants bottom surgery, whatever type they get, that’s their personal choice and I respect that, as long as they respect my choice of not getting it done. My reason for not looking into it (besides finances) is based on my experience with some surgery I had many many years ago, that left part of my face permanently numb; despite the surgeon saying that I would regain sensation within six months of the surgery, it never happened. That’s not something I want to chance with my junk. I realize others don’t have the same fears I do or the same experiences.