A reader writes: “Unlike some, I believe that I was born transsexual because of my sex – I had a penis, not a vagina, but my gender was female. I was 60 when I came out and am now 65. My question: might there ever be a day, a week, a month, a year when I no longer think of my transition and how blessed that I am to have the opportunity to live my truth, my life as the woman I am?
“This really isn’t a particularly big deal to me but rather one of curiosity. For myself, the answer is likely never, because I am a very out person who actively works as a volunteer in my community at large as well as the LGBT community. But still I cannot help but wonder.”
Congratulations on taking a positive view of your transition and your situation. While you feel very blessed every time you think of your transition and having the opportunity to live life as the woman you truly are, there are other men and women out there who feel very cheated and angry about having a body that does or did not conform to their gender identity. You are truly lucky that you are able to take what is, for some, an impossible and unhappy situation and turn it around to allow yourself happiness and self-satisfaction.
There may never come a day when you no longer think about your transition or forget that you are transsexual. For you, it sounds like that’s okay, and that thinking about it and remembering it are ways that help you celebrate your blessings. For some others, thinking about it and remembering it are, unfortunately, very painful and negative experiences that they would just as soon not have to deal with.
I’ve been transitioned for about fourteen years, and to be honest, there is probably not a day that goes by in my life when I’m not in some way aware that I’m transsexual. There are days when I don’t consciously think about it. There is rarely – if ever – a day when I wake up and think, “Wow, I’m transsexual.”
But the knowledge that I am transsexual is always just under the surface of my consciousness. And, of course, when I am speaking, teaching about gender issues, or writing this blog, I am well aware of it, and it is in the forefront of my consciousness. When I’m doing things totally unrelated to being transsexual – washing dishes, doing laundry, watching movies, cleaning the house, running errands, or teaching classes and doing freelance jobs that aren’t related to gender issues in any way – it doesn’t really occur to me much.
There are times when I am acutely aware that I’m transsexual:
1. As I said above, when I’m speaking, teaching, or writing about gender, transgender, or transsexual issues, or when I’m doing activist work in the community.
2. When I have to go to the bathroom in a place that might not have stalls or a toilet stool for men.
3. When I’m looking at non-trans men’s crotches (yes, sometimes I do).
4. When I can’t lift or move something that a man my age and size should be able to lift or move (I’ve gotten weaker lately and I blame that on aging, but there are non-trans men my age and older, as well as smaller than me, who have more strength due to a lifetime of exposure to testosterone).
5. When I’m around non-trans men my own age, because despite the grey hair and wrinkles, I still don’t look like them.
6. When I am interested in hooking up with someone for sex or dating.
7. When I look at my hips in a mirror.
8. When other people think I am interested in “everything trans” or that all I want to talk about is being trans.
Of course, there are other times, too, but these are some highlights.
I think there are many transitioned people out there who rarely think about it at all, particularly those who have chosen to assimilate into mainstream male and female culture and who no longer identify as or see themselves as trans-anything. They are not community activists, and there is nothing in their present life that is a constant or consistent reminder of their past.
There are others, like yourself (and pretty much like me), who either don’t mind being trans or who enjoy it, and who are able to see the positives of the situation and to take pleasure in the interesting aspects of life that it offers. Often, the only problem here is the prejudice and discrimination inflicted by society on those who would otherwise be fine with the circumstances.
And there are still others who think about it or are aware of it a lot and are very unhappy about that. They wish that they could forget about it and just go on with their lives as men or women. It’s not so much society’s view of who they are, but their own self-image that causes distress and problems.
There is nothing necessarily wrong with any of these perspectives and all are understandable. It is the last one – the one that brings unhappiness – that is unfortunate and that can be a real and serious burden to those experiencing it. It can be a reason for suicide even after transition.
I know a woman who said that it took her years to finally look in the mirror and see a woman’s body reflected back to her, even though she had, by all “outside” standards, “successfully” transitioned. Having to grapple with these inner conflicts can be the most destructive situation of all.
But as far as your question – will there be a time when you no longer think of your transition – I would say probably not, particularly because it is a source of joy for you. I would guess that, the longer you are transitioned, the more it will subside from your every-waking-moment consciousness, but you won’t forget unless you want to, and even then, it could be difficult to completely wipe it from your mind and memory.
I would like to hear from readers who are not “professional trans people” – who don’t have blogs about being trans, who don’t speak and write about it, who don’t participate in trans activist work, and who don’t see “trans” as a constant part of your life. Of course, if you are reading this, it is still there somewhere. But you know what I mean.
I would also like to hear from everyone else – what do you think about being trans? When do you think about being trans? What makes it go away – and what makes it come back? Please share your thoughts and stories.
I hate being trans-every day.
I hate feeling like I will forever be a “being in between the genders” no matter what my outside looks like with clothes on.
I struggle with accepting my body (pre op everything) as it is and some moments I am successful until I have to pee or put on my binder.
I hate being part of the TBLG “community” with all of the divisiveness and BS.
I hate having to disclose to potential dates then them wanting to be my friend and become fascinated by me like I am a novelty, asking invasive questions-or worse having NO clue as to what trans means (“Did you have THE surgery and are considered a male now?”)
I hate that my family chose to disown me once I came out as trans, but me being a dyke was tolerable.
I own a business that caters to the ftm trans community so I am reminded every day that I am making and selling something because we, as trans men, weren’t born with it.
I hate that our surgeries are out of pocket and considered ‘elective’.
I hate that I feel like I have a secret when around people who I am not out to and have to edit what I say, which does not come naturally.
I hate having to wear baggy shirts when I don’t bind.
I hate that after being attacked this past weekend that I had to go put on my binder before I felt comfortable enough to go to the ER and then having to tell the ER staff that was caring for me that I am trans.
I hate that my sisters and brothers are attacked and killed because people refuse to understand that just because we are trans, we are also human and we have a right to live safely and authentically.
I LOVE that my gender is no longer questioned with clothes on.(pre transition I was naturally androgynous and was asked quite often what gender I was-to which I would answer that I was both.)
Sorry for the rant.
No apology necessary. This is exactly what many people experience, and they need to know that they are not alone. There are several things on your list that I hate, too. And I am forever sick of the whole “the surgery” or “the operation” thing. So thanks for the “rant.” It’s helpful and appreciated.
I forgot to add tat I hate having to find open-minded roommates when looking for a place to live because I don’t bind at home and cannot afford to live on my own.
I love that I can help other guys to feel less dysphoric with my product, even as it makes me more dysphoric.
Thanks for this. I hate that my home, which once was actually a “home” to my partner and me, has now become just a place where i live… and that I had to get a roommate so I can’t feel free to be without a binder. No, now, I bind all of the time… And I hate that, because when my shoulders hurt, I can’t forget that my body isn’t what I want it to be….
So thanks for your rant. I appreciate it.
Thanks for sharing too.
Another amazing post, Matt!! I’m very much like the reader who wrote you about this. The fact that I am (FINALLY) transsexual is a constant source of joy. I really never thought I would get here…that it was impossible for me…and it is a “pinch me” moment quite often. I assume that will taper off eventually. I’m not involved in the trans world at all (as much as I sometimes would love to be) except for your blog.
I do struggle with that feeling of wondering if I’ll ever perceive myself as others seem to…as undoubtedly a woman. When I notice the size of my hands and feet I have little shocks of anxiety and disappointment. But the joy rules out. I’ve had enough times in my life when I was in a dark enough place to hurt myself (medicate myself?) with drugs and denial. But that is so far in my past I don’t even remember being that person.
For me, my transition, while it includes gender, has been mostly about being OK with myself…at least OK enough to not be self-destructive. And everything flows from that.
I can’t believe I’m as “done” as I am with my transition. It’s been a little under 5 years. I never suspected things would conspire to make it all happen so quickly. And that’s the key to my life that I am finally learning.
Never say never…and always strive to be creative, passionate and in the flow. Everything else takes care of itself. That sounds so Hippie Dippy, Touchy Feelie…but it the one lesson I’ve encountered over and over.
I’m finally listening.
Not sure you’re looking for reassurance, but as someone born female bodied, I can tell you that large hands and feet are normal on women. Maybe not the most usual, but there are plenty of women out there with large hands and feet.
And thank you for showing the good side of transition. It’s so hard to remember that the goal isn’t to be perfect, but to make peace with yourself.You showed the joy in being able to live the gender you’ve always felt, and thank you for reminding me of that.
I’ve learned that women come in all shapes and sizes…and that wasting time focusing on my own perceived flaws is…well just that…a waste of time.
Before my sister passed she berated me when I complained about my weight. She said “Women do that to themselves all the time. Don’t become a woman and then continue that destructive thing!!”
Her words stick with me. And guide me when I’m feeling insecure.
I’ve walked through some pretty major fires to get where I am…and the fact that I’m still here…and upright…and enjoying my life…
Well…that’s a miracle.
That is certainly a good way to think about it
.
I keep having to point out to my girlfriend when she complains that her feet and hands are too big/she’s too tall/her shoulders are too broad for a woman that my mother is the same size as her in all those areas…
“For me, my transition, while it includes gender, has been mostly about being OK with myself”
Wise words. I believe this is true for everyone, even though some may not realize it. You can have all the “parts” and still not be OK, or you have no parts and still be OK.
Yep…pieces and parts have little importance in the grand scheme. That’s a thing I never realized until a few years ago. And how liberating to have that epiphany!!!
I’m aware that I’m trans like I’m aware of my age, my height and my eye color, but it’s not something that’s usually on my mind until something or someone reminds me of it (and yeah, seeing the hips in the mirror will certainly do it). Usually I just think of me as me – with all that that entails, not just being trans. I’m not “professionally” trans (though I get involved in community activities as time and circumstances permit) but I don’t think there will ever come a time that I’ll “forget” I’m trans – and I don’t want to. It doesn’t define me completely, but it’s part of my history and my identity as much as living in New York or growing up in the disco era.
I’ve been transitioning for about two years, started T 14 months ago and am 5 weeks post-op top surgery. I often think about this question, whether we can just be ourselves or whether we will always be in between. The other thing this makes me wonder about is whether once we fully transition if we are then “cured” of our gender disorder- a diagnosis to which most of us have to submit in order to receive treatment.
I have been very lucky, most of my friends have been truly supportive, my family while a little uncomfortable have been amazing. One of the hardest things to do is transition and tell people you know (or don’t know) that you’re trans. The best part is when you’ve expected the worst and been completely blown away by the love and support of someone you might have initially thought would not be understanding.
On the other side of that I do have a hard time feeling like the topic of gossip every time I walk into the room and the conversation stops. That has subsided a lot now but in the beginning was really difficult. I broke up with my girlfriend because she repeatedly outed me to people so her sexual orientation wasn’t questioned. I am still really pissed about that. Even now when I run into some of these people she told (small town) they just stare at me. I hate being labelled “the tranny” since I am the only one in town.
I don’t know if I’ll ever forget that I wasn’t born a man but I do know now that I am on the down-slope of recovery and able to live and move through society as a man I am more comfortable and less self conscious. Give me another year to get acquainted with my body and feel comfortable and reassured that I’m read as male and I’ll be on my way to the possibility of temporary bouts of gender amnesia.
Very interesting post! I am early transition (almost 4 months on T, pre op) and I have constant reminders of my trans status.
For me, I am very comfortable with my trans identity and view it as just another charactoristic like my blindness, my race, hair color, etc. It all adds up to ME!
I see myself as a bridge to bring people together in our wonderful diversity. I have to educate the LGBT community about blindness and I have to educate my blind community about LGBT and my being trans. When I came out as trans at age 58, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief at the thought and knowledge that I am no longer alone feling as I have for all my life – a male.
I live a full life as a pet assisted therapist and I enjoy singing and doing crafts at our blind center. When I’m doing the things I enjoy in life, I don’t really think about being trans – but it is there just under the surface of my mind. I think I will think less about it when I’m assumed to be a man. Right now, I experience anger about being misgendered all the time. I feel intense joy when someone correctly genders me and calls me sir or guy. I know this will come as my transition progresses. I want top surgery but am scared about surgery as majpor as a mastectomy. One day soon, my dysphoria will overcome the fears and I’ll find the money to do it!
I’m the 25-year spouse of a newly out transsexual, he’s been out 10 weeks now, 6 weeks on T, pre-op everything else. His name has been legally changed in the court system, on his social security card and his name *and* gender changed on his driver’s license. He has a surgery scheduled in the fall that will allow him to legally change his gender… and he will the second he can.
This trans stuff has not only consumed him, but also me. *I* wonder if there will ever be a day when *I* don’t think about all these changes I never anticipated and, most assuredly, never asked for. I’m being as loving and helpful as I can, but my god, guys, this sure is hard sometimes! (See our blog.) I miss the days when we just went to the movies and had sex afterwards. Now, everything requires a massive planning session beforehand. Clothes, strategizing bathrooms, new rules during sex… the list goes on and on.
And please know I am not whining or remotely comparing my struggles to his 47 years of them. Just this topic sent me to the comment box, too. I like the term trans amnesia. Oh that there was a magic wand for all of us.
Quite an interesting post!
I am a “trans professional” in a way because I run a trans blog and it’s all I read about, and maybe someday I’ll do professional research or clinical work.
However, I have been grappling with this issue myself. Will I ever forget that I’m trans? In the same way as the reader, and as Matt, I am very proud of it and it is an integral part of my life, but there are times when you just want to live and stop thinking – and worrying – about it.
It concerns me as well as I embark on a non-binary transition – there is no decided final destination, but will it ever end?
Will it ever end? No idea! I have accepted that it probably won’t. That is one of the things that held me off from coming out to friends and family for a while, the fact that the rest of my life will be spent in some sort of trans limbo, culturally speaking.
I think about being trans almost all the time, but I find it a source of what makes me special. I accept me and definitely like me alot.
I do have times when I does bother me, but that is getting better the more times I am exposed to those uncomfortable situations. If find the more open and happy I am, then others accept me and have no issue wih my transition. This definitely reduces my feeling of being uncomfortable about being trans.
There is something that can change.
A lot of what I’d experienced before and in early transition — that anxiety, those fears, that sense of stepping out without a safety net — those things fade and can become forgotten.
It’s become stark enough that I feel out of place when I turn up at support meetings now. When I hear of all those things — the fears of going out for the first time, coming out to parents, finding doctors — cerebrally, I know that I went through those stages, but other than that, it all feels really distant.
In my day to day existence, I don’t notice it.
I get forcefully reminded every few months when I see my endo, that my biology isn’t standard. (I’m Intersex rather than normally Trans, and so have unusual circumstances). I have to take a lot of hormones that most Trans people don’t, in doses that are really non-standard for anyone.
But other than that… not really. I have to remind myself sometimes. I’m supposed to be an “activist”, but I think I’d be the same if I’d had a more usual life trajectory. I dislike injustice. Hence my support for GLB as well as TI causes even though I’m straight.
One thing that *is* different for me, something I wouldn’t have had had I had the usual anatomy and life her-story rather than his-story: that is, I’ve been honoured to know some of the most indomitable people on the planet, as well as brilliant researchers such as Milton Diamond, people who I never would have met otherwise.
And something else, though I’m gradually getting used to it. Waking up in the morning and feeling that things are in their proper place, no more 2-second nightmares wondering where my boobs had gone. That I could have ever felt like that now seems just too difficult to believe. I know it happened, but it’s as if it happened to someone else.
“cerebrally, I know that I went through those stages, but other than that, it all feels really distant.”
Exactly. What she said.
I too an one of the “professional” (though I don’t seem to be making any money as such), very out, activist, blog keeping (but very lazy about it lately) trans women. I hope one day I can simply forget my male roots and just be a woman, even if it is just for a day or two, but I can’t and the reality of the matter hits home on several levels. As with you, Matt, there is a long list of things – many of yours I can relate too though we travel in the opposite direction across gender lines.
I have 2 sons and I am their father – that fact isn’t going to change; I have a rather large build so I stand out in a crowd and am often read because of that extra level of scrutiny even though I try to dress very fem and age appropriate; my voice is of a timbre that is somewhere in between masculine and feminine and draws extra scrutiny; I spend most of my time in a town where many people knew the old me (though fortunately most of these people are very supportive and like the new me far better); and being very active in Trans and TLGB activism I can’t help but be aware that I am trans. And if that isn’t enough there are enough jerks in the world that love to make snide comments and act the bully, ever ready to remind me of my flaws (real or imagined on their part) – lately it is every couple of weeks I have some such encounter. (It disturbs me that this behavior seems to be on the rise, but that is for a different discussion sometime).
I simply have to rest secure in the knowledge of who I am, why I am here and that in my former pseudo-man life I proved over and over to myself that, in spite of having a penis, I really was not a man though God knows I gave it my best shot. I have to draw strength from these facts and from my faith that tells me God made me this way intentionally (I am NOT a mistake!!) and my being trans is a loving gift (though I for a long time considered it a curse). It is this faith, by the way, that drives me to be an activist and very out and visible – it is that “let your light so shine…” kind of thing for me so I dare not forget from whence I came to be a woman.
I am generally very happy that I am trans because life is so much better being out and free to be myself than it ever was in all the years I tried to hide it, fight it and deny it. Basically I have a “this-is-the-real-me, deal-with-it!” attitude. Having gone from someone who had to hide her feminine side just to survive her adolescence and early adult years to now trying to hide the damage done by 50 years of testosterone overdose I think I have a greater appreciation for being a woman than I would have had I simply been born female thus taking everything fem about myself for granted.
I know several trans women who have been able to pass perfectly and blend in and for a while I envied them, but I don’t any more. We trans-folks have so much more to give in support of others if we are out and visible. We make a positive difference in our world simply by being seen and known and we make it a safer place for those who will in the years to come discover their true selves and walk out into the light.
Hugs,
Eva-Genevieve!
Learning and being ABLE to love ourselves exactly as we are is such an amazing experience! Living our truth whatever it may look like, not someone elses truth but our very own truth is such a really big deal.
Cheryl
I’m 8 yrs post-op, MtF. For many of the same reasons Matt has shared, I doubt I will ever have a day when I’m not reminded, or think, about the fact that I’m transsexual. Add in the times when society reminds me I am “different”, when my gender is questioned by some innocent small child, or by some phobic asshat. Or after submitting my resume for a job, being called within minutes for an interview and then getting an obvious reaction once they meet me and being told “We’ll contact you at a later date for a follow-up.” knowing full well said follow-up will never come. I know being trans has cost me jobs I’ve applied for, lost me clients who couldn’t handle being treated by someone who fell outside the norm. And I am sadly also reminded that I am trans when venturing into women’s only spaces or when facing blatant (or even subtle) bias/hostility within the lesbian community. And yet I have also found people/places where I was accepted, supported, encouraged. I don’t agonize over who I am any longer. And I am also never likely to forget I am trans because of the 40+ yrs spent living as a man, I am out, proud of who I was, who I am and will never deny my history. it makes me the person I am today. I’m a person. A woman (no drop dead beauty, but not butt ugly either). And I am a transsexual. Sometimes I pass, sometimes I don’t, sometimes people just aren’t sure. Sometimes folks care, sometimes it’s irrelevent. In the end, it’s just how life is.
What a great post!
I am still early in my own transition – 3 years on HRT, 13 months living/working full time as Jill. I often worry that I think about being trans too much, but I know it’s normal at my stage – and the fears have long subsided. I have been blessed not to have experienced any harassment from anyone. The people who knew me before and have seen me through my transition have been good to me.
I have come to see my own transition as a broader gift than I expected it to be. As a long-time cis-female friend said, I am “becoming more human”. Growing up white, male, upper middle class (servants helped raise me) – I really didn’t understand the privilege that came with all that, and how most of humanity didn’t have what I had. The haters who hate trans people also hate women, people of color, gay people, non-Christians – anyone different from them. I had thought myself progressive before transition – but I feel it at a different level now.
With transition I finally get to live as I wanted to. I am discovering things like friendship between women. Women have been much more forgiving of my femininity than I have been myself. “Women come in all shapes and sizes” is a mantra that I’ve been told several times by cis-women friends. I didn’t realize how much “lookism” I had absorbed.
I realize that my wanting to “get over being trans” is in part wanting to fit in to some box that I’ve been brainwashed to believe is necessary. I risk having escaped one gender prison only to lock myself in another. And there’s a larger truth there – awareness of the damage our culture does to all kinds of people.
And I have the gift of working with young men and women who are just entering adolescence. They see me and I expand their idea of what it means to be a man or a woman. I was terrified of transitioning in my job in schools, but that too has been a gift. It’s not about me. The only time any of them have said anything gender-related to me was to give me a compliment.
I’m beginning to think that my wanting to “get over being trans” may be like throwing away these gifts. I do find a lot of solace in going to support groups, and hanging out with other trans people. It helps to know other trans people struggle with wanting to get past being trans. I am shifting my thinking to struggling with “getting over myself” – to become focused on other people – their struggles and joys.
Forget what?
Perfect!
That’s not from Anonymous, that’s from me! Perfect comment!
dear matt,
the story im about to tell you is very very sensitive for me and my family but i was hoping to get your opinion and advice on it.
13 years ago a young middle eastern 18 year old kid arrived in the USA with a 5 dollar bill in his pocket, and he did not know any body here. the rest was a true “alice in wonderland”-like adventure. in 13 years he managed to create an incredible life here in the states against all odds. he has an impressive career as a senior finance manager for a major major corporation, has earned a six figure income for the largest part of the past 13 years, has supported his family back home of 8 people, has a wonderful family here with three kids and a wonderful wife.
when people hear the details of this amazing journey of going from zero to hero , they normally are focused on the incredible physical and financial challenges faced by that young man trying to make it out of nothing, yet they fail to recognize that the biggest success that this person has had here in the states is truly in his heart and mind…. his views on religeon, relationships, women, homosexuality…etc
yet the biggest of them all is that it took 13 years of mental and emotional struggle to gahter up the power , freedom, and knowledge to admit that he has always been a woman trapped in a mans body.
believe me nothing he has been through comes close to how hard it was achieving such truth
that young muslim well cultured, well mannered , responsible, achieving, successful young man who faced an adventure that most men would have an anxiety attack just listening to some of its details, is actually a transgendered woman.
now and aftyer therapy he finally has the letter to start his HRT… but he does not know what to do , should he statr especially that his wife who is pretty freaked out is still supportive, should he do it in stealth mode …….
what about family back home who come here often , what about his finance career , his senior position of 10 years.
however things finally make sense anbd he is really exited about that and thats why he has decided to go all out especially if that would help secure financing for his medical bills involved in the transition and possibly even more, believe me its the craziest thing he has ever though of even crazier than coming to the USA with 5 dollars…..
he has the letter and ready to start and looking for someone interested in the story , some one to join in from the beginning ..
my question to you is how do i tell that story … how do i get it to the right ears ….. and i really mean the right ears ….because if i am to do this i have to go all out… but how…any suggestions
i really appreciate you listening to this long story but it is all true and real life …. and its me
pleae email me if you have any suggestions you can even leave a number and i will call you..
thanks
koko
I will try to e-mail you about this.
It would be very appreciated
Thank you Matt, for your very good post; and thank you to all those who commented.
Sometimes it takes a major health issue (or more) which can result in not being here anymore, to realize that, first and foremost, we are all Human Beings.
No one gets out of this alive.
As a result of my 2 major life-threatening health issues, I realize and accept, that being Trans (whatever) is merely one small attribute of my total existence as a Human Being.
I feel that I am so much more.
IMHO, so are we all…. so much more.
jami bantry
This is a great discussion with a lot of helpful responses for a lot of readers. Thank you all very much.
I know a woman who does not like to identify as trans at all; as she said once “I transitioned years ago, I’ve earned the right to identify as “female”, not “trans” or “MTF”. Which is absolutely true, but I noticed in her interactions with others that because she chooses to identify exclusively as a woman, she is cut off from the support of other people who might share her experience. Her choice, of course, and if she’s happy that way, awesome. I wonder, though, whether part of it is an effort to forget, herself, that she is trans, and I would bet that it doesn’t really work that well (again, based on the interactions that I’ve observed).
As for myself, I am still very early on in the process of coming out as trans and transitioning, so it is still very much at the forefront of my mind all the time. But i do feel certain that it will settle down in time, though probably not for many years.
I wanted to update my initial response to this post.
I don’t know that I’ll ever forget that I’m trans; that to me is like forgetting that I’m 1/2 Asian or that I have freckles etc. I do know that since this post I’m a lot more accepting of my trans status and my pre op body as it is today.
As it’s been said over and over, everyone has challenges, whether they are trans or not.
Rather than focusing on what I don’t have, I’ve been choosing to focus on what I do. Rather than spend money on surgeries in the future, I am choosing to spend the money on adopting a child from foster care when I graduate. My desire to become a parent outweighs my desire for surgery (bottom).
I’m not perfect and some moments are filled with wishes about my body that won’t ever get fulfilled, yet that is no different than anyone else who has wishes about their body-cis or not.
My biggest challenge about transitioning later in life has been learning male socialization. (I joke and say that I am looking for the Rule Book). I know that will become old hat, as I encounter more experiences.
Thank you for this question O.P. and thank you Matt for posting it.
Indeed learning the socialization of our true gender w/o all the “normal” history is proving to be somewhat challenging but very interesting.
First, I would like to thank you Matt and everyone else for responding to the question which I posed. Honestly, I am very pleasantly surprised by everyone’s responses as I had thought that I was likely “the only one” with such a question. When will I learn that I am not nearly as unique as I may like to believe? Your experiences, your feelings, your trials and tribulations help me greatly in expanding my awareness, my sensitivity and concerns for the well being of others. THANK YOU ALL!
In the beginning, the early stages of my transition, I was always very on guard, defensive, as I emerged from my chrysalis, finding my way as my wings dried in the bright sun of the day. As I began to learn to fly, to experience the world as the woman I am, I began to settle in as my true self. Today, 5+ years into this glorious journey I am comfortable, confident just being myself.
I think that for myself the answer to my question lies not with the fact that I am transsexual but rather how I choose to live my life as an active member of not only the TLGB community but also my community at large. I am blessed to have the opportunity to not only educate others via being a responsible leader, an educator of sorts, and a role model for youth.
The answer to my question became obvious last week while spending 9 days camping and hiking in Glacier National Park. While there my transness was left at home with all those things which would not have been useful to me while camping and hiking. I was merely a 65y/o woman interacting with young and old, people from many states and countries. We shared a wonderful experience together as human beings with a common love of nature and those who we were sharing it with.
Beautiful!!
I wanted to respond to Barb, the partner of a Trans man.
Don’t forget that YOU are also transitioning as much as your partner is. YOUR feelings and concerns are very valid. You know your own gender and sexual orientation and your partner’s transition from female to male challenges your identity as a lesbian. You two being together makes it look like you’re al of a sudden a “straight” woman.
I hope you have the opportunity to meet with other spouses and partners of Trans people. Groups like this will give you the same vital support for you as a Trans group provides the support to the newly out or questioning of the Trans person themselves.
Good luck and hope you find happiness and the ability to be who you are. We all need that!