Two situations have recently come to my attention. At first glance, they appear to be completely different scenarios – opposites, in fact. But upon closer inspection, we can see that they are almost identical.
Scenario 1: Several straight, traditionally masculine trans men gang up on some non-traditional gay and queer trans guys, telling them that they are not “legitimate” trans men, that they are not correctly expressing their gender, that their sexual orientation is wrong, and that they would look and act a certain way if they were “real” men. Meet the old gender police.
Scenario 2: Several non-traditional gay and queer trans guys, along with some genderqueer people, gang up on some straight, traditionally masculine trans men, telling them that they are wrong to identify as men, that they are wrong to use male pronouns, that they are not radical or queer enough, and that they are reinforcing the patriarchal binary gender system.
This isn’t West Side Story, and these scenarios didn’t happen on the street. They happened in structured settings intended for trans people – trans spaces – which, ideally, should be safe for everyone, but which often have a tendency to be safe for only a limited few.
And while these may seem like totally different situations, they are one and the same. They both reflect those who sit in judgment of others based on gender identity and expression – the old and new gender police, within our own community.
Hey, old gender police – the criteria you use to determine whether or not someone is “man” enough, whether or not someone is “legitimate,” or whether or not someone is expressing his masculinity (or her femininity, as the case may be) “correctly” are the same criteria that have been used against you in the past, and that could easily be used against you in the future when it is discovered that you are trans. Your traditional masculinity (or femininity) will not protect you against a society that seeks to do you harm.
Hey, new gender police – if anyone should understand the importance of not judging people by their appearance, it should be you. This is exactly what you’re fighting against. And guess what? Freedom of gender expression means freedom for everyone, not just for those who transgress gender norms. You can’t have it both ways. If you get to express your gender in the way that is most comfortable for you, so does everyone else – including traditionally masculine (and feminine) trans people.
Where are we coming up with these criteria? Our old gender police are simply adopting traditional mainstream gender roles, insisting that only those who subscribe to these roles are “legitimate” and “real,” and enforcing gender codes far more strictly than even traditional mainstream culture does.
Our new gender police are rejecting anything that even hints at traditional mainstream gender roles, insisting that only those who utterly reject these roles have the right to express their gender, and refusing to acknowledge the wide spectrum of gender identity and expression that constitutes the diversity of our community.
This isn’t a case of “Why can’t we all just get along?” That ship sailed a while ago. We’re far too diverse a community to agree on everything. But across all that diversity, there is one thing that we have in common – there’s some “gender stuff” going on there somewhere.
And we’re taking the one thing that we all share and using it against each other, when that’s the only glue that holds this jigsaw puzzle of a community together. That’s the commonality that we have and the thing that could give us strength and power as a group – if we can accept it and learn to use it to benefit us instead of destroy us.
Regardless of what we decide to do, I know this – I’m not going to let anyone tell me how to express my gender or pass judgment on whether or not I’m doing it “correctly.” The old gender police and the new gender police are wasting their time with me and with countless others who recognize that gender expression is as individual as we are, and that the “correct” way to do it is whatever way we each decide. But until both battalions realize this, the artificial divisions that weaken us will continue to be reinforced.
The new gender police might eventually replace the old. And when that happens, the rules will seem to be different – but they’ll really be just the same.
We can keep heading in that direction, or we can decide to accept the right of all people to simply be who they are – the one right that it would make sense for us all to agree on.
Readers?
(Ask Matt will return next week)
I was recently exposed to a trans person posing as the gender police within an ftm group. The poster was pissed off that genderqueer trans men were changing their dox to M and presenting as male, then getting pissed off when addressed as male. The poster asked, “Why would you change your dox then get pissed when people addressed you as what you are obviously presenting?!!”
The poster suggested that they stay butch lesbians.
The poster’s argument was that genderqueer people take away from the “legitimacy” from other trans people who are trying to live in the binary. I have no idea how the poster arrived at that conclusion, but his anger was palpable.
I will admit that I do not understand wanting to be genderqueer, but that is coming from someone who was naturally androgynous until I transitioned to M years ago and hated it.That does not mean that it bothers me if others are living their lives authentically for them.
I responded to the poster that what others did was none of my business, did not affect me, and I had my own journey to travel. Whether or not others accept me is on them, but accepting others is on me.
I know there is a lot of anger (bullshit really) between trans men and what I call Gay Inc (LGB people). I am not exposed to it because I refuse to be in a community where there is so much divisiveness. I live my life surrounded by my friends, and no one else’s opinion of me matters. Life’s way too short.
I am continually amazed and saddened that the oppressed tell themselves that it is OK to become the oppressors.
When the old and new forces oppose each other, I want to see them snapping their fingers and doing elegant high kicks, just like West Side Story.
I’m always amazed when I see gender police rising up within trans communities. Last I checked, the news serves a steady reminder of who the real gender police are, and they are willing to kill us. The trans police look more like hall monitors in comparison.
When I came out to my friends, I told them that I don’t feel like I fit this gender I’ve been assigned and that I can’t live that way anymore. To my surprise, none of my friends felt they fit those genders they’d been assigned, but the difference was they can live those genders. My first instinct was to go all gender hall monitor on them and point out how difficult their actions were making my life. And then I thought “now what if someone turned that around and said the same to me?” and I kept my mouth shut.
Now I’m not saying that I’m some role model of excellence cuz I’ve said plenty I shouldn’t, and I’m learning. But I think the one thing that can guide all of us in our interactions with others is “what if someone turned this around and used it against me?” A little empathy goes a long way.
Really! Are we really going to continue down a road that leads to nowhere? Black enough, white enough, butch enough, man-enough, feminine enough, oh and tall enough, thin enough—PLEASE! Haven’t we been judged and persecuted enough? You really wanna turn around and judge somebody else who doesn’t choose to express themselves (gender-related or not) the same way as you? This is 2011. Grow up. Get real. And look in the mirror. THAT person has been judged way too much! There is a very old saying that seems to work really well–live and let live! You could even stretch it and really take a chance—how bout love and let love? We truly don’t have to LIKE everyone or everything we encounter–but honestly, shouldn’t WE be the champions for all the different expressions people want to present? Like it or not.
“I’m not going to let anyone tell me how to express my gender or pass judgment on whether or not I’m doing it “correctly.”
This. I agree a million times with this idea. Do not judge others based on gender expression.
At the same time, I think it is naive to portray the battle between the old gender police and the new gender police as stemming solely from individuals being judgemental, rather than often tying in to a larger ideological debate. I think in some cases, the policing does seem to be about trying to make everyone do what you think they should do or would want for yourself. In some cases, though, the policing seems to be about trying to coordinate behavior in a way that can aim for a particular strategic outcome that would affect a subset of trans people – or sometimes everyone.
If you care about efforts to obtain protections for people who fall under the transgender umbrella (whether legally, politically or culturally/socially), particularly the right to work, the right to be safe and have equal protection of the law, the right to have proper documentation, and the right to have access to medical care, it is naive to presume that gender expression is wholly irrelevant to how these questions are being dealt with on the local, regional, national and international levels. And sometimes the policing stems from having a sense of this – even if it is often misguided or misdirected in how the policing itself is expressed.
Personally, my biggest issue is when people approach their position toward gender expression from a position of PRIVILEGE – whether it stems from race, socioeconomics, sex, religion, the abiity to “pass”, etc. – and as a result, fail to see the implication to others in how they choose to behave. If my personal expression – whether it is gender or another aspect of my identity – can make things much more difficult for other people or make efforts to obtain rights for others much more difficult, it is only fair for me to think about what I can do in the short and long term to make things better for others, especially if they have challenges that I don’t.
So I would build upon the “don’t judge me, I won’t judge you” message, and I would add, “Not only won’t I judge you, but I would like to understand you, and I’d like you to understand me” because we are a community (or set of communities) that disproportionately LACKS and things won’t get better without some level of understanding and coordination in the battle to make things better.
I agree with you and these are good points. I think discussion of certain goals and positions, understanding of each other, and some give and take can make a world of difference, as you point out.
It’s the “policing” aspect that I object to and the turning on each other, particularly when one group happens to be in a position of power at the time (and in both these cases, the group that “ganged up” on the others was in a position of power at the time).
But, like you said, the “policing” aspect can be misguided or misdirected, and there are other ways to get the same thing and work toward a particular outcome without the bullying and alienation. Again, good points.
I’m going to echo Sean above that it is often tied to an ideological debate.
Moreover, we often gender police ourselves – “I really do like sewing/truckdrivng but I don’t do it because I don’t want to fall into a stereotype” or “I don’t want people to think I’m a boy/girl so I’ll try and do more stereotypical girly/manly stuff.” It’s an internal dialogue that fights between being our authentic selves, and being perceived as such, which is often at odds because of society’s preconceptions.
Lastly, it’s important to remember that being queer and being NOT-queer are both legitimately ok – so being cisgender, or heteronormatively transgender, or queerly genderqueer are all valid expressions and identities.
I personally haven’t seen this dynamic in our Trans community here but I do know it exists.
Interestingly, this issue kind of came up in our Trans male group meeting last night. Our regular facilitator wasn’t there last month and a person new and not trained did the job. At that meeting, some who identified as genderqueer showed up and one even said they did identify as female – this in our all male identified group. The genderqueer folk then took up most of the meeting time and some of the guys were pissed at that.
Last night the regular facilitator was there and we talked about things that weren’t clear, forgotten about talking about when neew folks show up. It was good that this happened to make us realize that not all people showing up neccesarily know the true nature of the group or the rules of the meetings. The number one rule is that we respect ALL people who come through the door as who they are and
where they are in transition or no transition at all – they do identify
as male. WE should say at each meeting whet the group is for – a meeting of Trans males. WE did discuss this and we will remember to do a better job and to also make sure the substitute facilitators tell the rules and purpose of the group in the future.
The genderqueer folks have just started theior own group and this is good. We all do mingle at the LGBT Center but we are just beginning to understand what genderqueer is and how these folks experience their gender identities.
As someone posted in this thread, we do have to accept and LEARN about each other if we want to experience true freedom to be ourselves. As Matt says, we have the real gender police out there over all of our heads and they want to erase us from the planet. Go to your next Trans Day of Rememberance on November 20th. Hear about all the trans or percieved to be trans folks who are killed around the world and in this country. All I know is this: WE HAVE TO STOP FIGHTING OURSELVES IF WE WANT TO LIVE!!! Whichever way we idintify – binary genders or non binary genders – WE FACE THE SAME OPPRESSOR and that is the same one that oppresses us based on race, gender (misogyny), abilities, econic status that isn’t upper crust wealthy. The day we all stop fighting each other and stand together and fight the REAL enemy, that is the day we truely win our rights to be human. Lets start today.
Nice post Matt. This topic is timely – it seems to come up more and more in our community relatively recently.
(And as a side question, who are the cops in the photo?)
The cops are four guys who were assigned to a marriage equality rally in Denver. I was covering it as editor of Out Front Colorado at the time, and I took the photo of the cops.
I’m just going to say, thank you for this. I think this is an issue that needs more attention. Intolerance hurts everybody, and it keeps us from progressing as a community.
How timely…I wrote about the Gender Police here…but it was an external not internal danger….have many forgotten to look outside the wall not inside it?
“We see an insecurity so acute within a patriarchal-dominated society that infers the existence of unwritten gender statutes, laws and ordinances that declare the existence of a de-facto virtual gender police force. Invisibility does not preclude the real existence of celestial bodies, properties of nature, microbes, or neighbors in other hemispheres. Indeed, emissions from planets not yet visible proclaim the reality of their existence. So too do the penalties and incarceration of incessant hostile work environments and public vilification reaped upon our shoulders declare the reality of an invisible gender police force that enforces the unwritten Gender Code.
Those of us “arrested” from maintaining employment and sentenced to the resulting consequence of lack of income and insurance–in short the deprivation of the basic necessities of life promised over 200 years ago as the “pursuit of happiness”, know too well that the gender police is alive and well masquerading as supervisors, peers, coworkers, and others in our sphere of influence, including family members.”
http://wp.me/pnQPn-1l
Thanks for reading and thanks for all your insightful comments. It seems that these are not isolated incidents. I want to be clear that I am not necessarily opposed to separate spaces for certain groups (I’m going to write a post on this soon), but they need to be advertised as such. It is my opinion that the trans community needs to offer safe spaces to its members, particularly because there are so few safe spaces for some members of our community in mainstream culture. Again, thanks to everyone for reading and commenting!
I did notice this, both of them; in my country there is still a lot of the “old” gender police because of half-assed standards used by some Gender Therapists, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen the “new” gender police there, but I did see it online.
It really angers me, because I did have a time in my life when I forced myself to follow stereotypes because I thought I wasn’t “male enough” to be taken seriously; I don’t want this to keep happening to others because of nosy people who should mind their own business.
If they are so insecure that they feel threatened by someone else’s legit gender expression, then THEY are the one with a problem.
[...] so my suggestion to readers would be to check them out. Matt’s post is entitled, Meet the New Gender Police — Same as the Old Gender Police, and Jennifer’s column is entitled, We Want Cake, Too. I hope you enjoy them and find them to [...]
As a somewhat “binary” identified (though I don’t like the word, and the idea that there are only 2 genders or sexes), but gay and effeminate trans guy, I have managed to be targeted by both types of gender policing, sometimes simultaneously!
I have been kicked out of trans groups and attacked by trans people for not being a real man, not being trans enough, being too transsexuel, being too male identified etc etc etc. The weird thing is that I was almost never attacked by cis people, especially not cis gay men. Imagine my shock when I met the first trans people, and got constantly bashed.
Great post!
I’ve thought about this many times too. I fall between the chairs, so to speak. I have basically the same ideals as the queer folks – I dislike the norms and gender roles – but I still happen to be strongly male-identified. Also, even if I tried, I wouldn’t be able to view my trans body as something positive, which the more queer identified tell me I should do. I have to be very careful when I speak my mind about this, or else I seem like one from the Old Gender Police.
[...] rikta uppmärksamheten mot två ganska nya, sansade inlägg i Transbråket, av Julia Serano och Matt Kailey. Fast läser ni min blogg är det ganska troligt att ni läst dem också… [...]
Paradoxically, the transgendered are a community in it being the most disparate in our commonalities.
I don’t go to the support group anymore because I feel too different than the rest, and that in that “rest”, so many are so different from one another, I mean specifically in their gendered cultural expressions. I want and wanted to find a community of kin and it so seems that the closest to it in the end are the cysgendered, ordinary guys… And still, I might feel closest in resemblance to this “design” of human, they don’t feel the same about me.
The true common thread that the transgendered have in common is wanting to be “real” and recognized as such. I chuckle in writing this last phrase …same as it ever was.