If you’re worried that you’re transphobic, the bad news is that you very well might be. The good news is that self-awareness is more important than a minor case of transphobia, because if you are aware of it, then you can prevent yourself from acting on it – and in addition to some self-regulation, your awareness can help you attempt to make changes.
There are plenty of phobias and isms out there, and most people probably harbor one or more of them. I would guess that almost all of us can take some category of people, stick “phobic” or “ist” after that category name, and claim that label in one way or another. The problem is not so much being able to do that – the problem is not being able to do that.
If we are unaware of our own internalized biases, then there is nothing to prevent us from acting on them. There is no inner control mechanism that stops us before we say or do something offensive, damaging, or dangerous, because we are not aware that we might. There is nothing that prevents us from allowing these biases to continue, within ourselves and within our society.
If you are worried that you are transphobic, then you have already established trans people as a group that is “different from” yourself in a way that is at least a little negative, which is where the “phobia” part comes in. But you have also established trans people as a group that you have the potential to harm by your words or behaviors, and that is where the benefit of self-awareness comes in – because now that you realize it, you are capable of stopping it.
Being worried about the possibility that you are transphobic puts you one step ahead of those who know that they are transphobic and aren’t worried about it one bit, and those who aren’t worried about being transphobic because they don’t know that they are. If you’re worried about it, you are in a prime position to look inward and make some adjustments.
This does not mean that we should simply accept our phobias and isms. No one can sit back and say, “Well, at least I’m aware of it, so that makes it okay.” Self-awareness is only the first step in a long journey of work to be done. But if you can’t take that first step, you can forget about the rest of the trip.
So instead of being worried about the possibility that you are transphobic or that you might say or do something that will mark you as transphobic, harness the energy from that worry and use it to do some self-examination and self-reflection. If you discover any anti-trans feelings, try to identify where those are coming from and what you might be able to do to alter them.
Denial of our biases is actually far more destructive than acknowledging them, because if we deny them, we never do the work to eliminate them. It’s better to face even minor biases head on and say, “I have this, but I don’t want it. Where did it originate, what can I do to change it, and how can I make sure that it doesn’t negatively influence my behaviors or harm others?”
The Implicit Association Tests (IAT) through Project Implicit are a great way to ferret out hidden biases. Although none of these demo tests deals with trans people, there are a variety of tests designed to help you discover unconscious biases. While some people have questioned the reliability of these tests, they have been used for years by researchers and individuals to examine possible biases. They are easy and actually fun to take, and since they have one for sexual orientation, I hope that trans will not be far behind.
Just remember – whether or not you like the results of your IATs or what you discover from your internal soul-searching, being aware of a bias is the first step in working to change it and making sure that your words and behaviors are not injurious. Being worried about it is a good sign – as long as you are willing to move beyond that and into positive action.
Readers, what do you think?
I am inyourfacewithsexualityandfundementalistreligionaphobic. Should I worry about this and if so what can I do about it?
Worthwhile advice on any oppression, and it’s worth being introspective to identify those areas we all have to work on. I’ve been at plenty of trans support meetings where people start sounding off about “drunk indians” or “those pakis” or making fat jokes. Transphobia is a part of a more global issue of oppression, and we’ve all failed (myself included) to effectively dismantle that. It starts within us, and then moves on to questioning and challenging those around us. It doesn’t mean we can’t have a sense of humour or cynicism, but we do need to parse what we’re thinking and saying based on how it could be received.
It was the discovery of my biases against trans men that led me to seek out resources such as your blog, in hopes that education and familiarity would help me counteract my prejudices. And thanks to a discussion here a few months ago, I finally made the breakthrough I needed. I continue to examine my cis privilege and look out for cissexism in myself and the world around me. I follow blogs and news that are either focus on trans issues, or that regularly incorporate trans perspectives. I speak up when I encounter transphobia and cissexism. I’m grateful to you for running this space and hosting these discussions, and for helping me on my journey.
I am a transman. The first time I attended a trans support group, I had a knee jerk reaction against the transwomen in the group. It’s not that I didn’t like them. It was more like they seemed like a strange & alien race. My reaction really bothered me because they’re like me in many ways. And then I realized that being a woman was an alien concept to me. I’ve since come to know & love many transwomen.
With me, I never really actually discriminated against trans women or male cross dressers as human beings. I just don’t understand how they could willfully DRESS in women’s clothing! I always hated being forced to wear that stuff – hated how it looked and felt on me. Hated the fabrics as well. I feel the same way about cis women wearing that stuff.
Another thing is that seeing male-bodied people in women’s clothing is strange to me – especially before i came out as trans and began to see these folks regularly. This is particularly if the cross-dressed or transwoman “passes” well or not.
As a blind person, I know what it is to be discriminated against so I have always been open to anyone as long as they were friendly, nice people. I think more people will be open if they could put aside the fact that something new to them is strange but that goes away when you look beyond that outward appearance and see the human being inside.
I am a recovering transphobe and homophobe. I grew up in an extremely prejudice house with parents who hated anything and anyone they considered ‘other’. While in my teens, I openly admitted that I was ‘other’. First as a lesbian because I didn’t know that I wasn’t the only one who was a boy on the inside but looked like a girl on the outside. Then as a queer trans man who likes men almost as much as I like women.
My crap is self-hatred projected outward because I am ‘other’ according to my blood family. I am working through that with a therapist. I don’t dislike any individual. I hate the lgbt group as a whole and I can’t explain it more than that because it does not make sense except to say that it is self-hatred projected outward. I look at my pre op top and no op bottom body in the mirror and I see a freak with facial hair. I look at other trans people and I see strength because they did, and are doing, what they had to do to live authentically.
And please, if you’re going to comment on my comment remember that this is a safe space and I said that I do Not dislike any individual, that this is self hatred.
I hated my unaltered body and eventually almost came to love my halfway transformed self and felt a tinge of regret when the chance came to finish the project. There are an infinite number of human bodies and few are lucky enough to have what they consider to be ideal, even my finished transformation could never be considered ideal but I am learning to deal with it and am starting to love it…
Concentrate on the positive… Do not dwell on the negative, it will wear you down.
“Concentrate on the positive… Do not dwell on the negative, it will wear you down.”
Amen
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Dear Anonomous, Thank you for trusting us with your feelings about your own transphobia. I would hope that this is a safe space for us to talk to one another and to get support in our journeys in life as trans people. I also have to look in the mirror and see a non op body and I’m OK with that…for now. But love the person that you are and I’m glad you are working on that with your therapist. We have only one life to live and we need to make it as good as we can get it. Peace and love to you!
Lyn,
Thanks so much for your kind words.