I try to keep up on the latest resources, but as our community flourishes and we become more vocal and visible everywhere, I sometimes fall behind. I know my readers are a diverse group with awareness of a variety of helpful resources, so I open up the following Ask Matt questions to you:
A reader writes: “I’m an African American post-op TS in Los Angeles, California. My questions is: Do you know of any websites, clubs, or places where transgender-friendly single men go to find post op TS’s for monogamous long-term relationships and marriage?
“I’ve lived in LA most of my life, and do not identify with the TS websites that objectify TS’s, nor do I identify with the TS bar scene. I am a spiritual (non-religious) spirit being who happens to move in the world as a woman. I’m not into labels, games, or negative energy.
“Can you guide me to the right places where I might find my life partner or single men looking for post-TS women for real love, monogamous relationships, and perhaps marriage?”
I’m hoping that my readers can come through on this one. I know that there are many trans dating websites, but I’m not sure which ones to recommend. Also, there might be some clubs or organizations in the LA area that are just what you’re looking for, but I am not familiar enough with LA to point you in the right direction. Readers, what do you suggest?
A reader writes: “Can you recommend any reading on transmen who identify as gay men after transitioning?”
Again, with so many new books being published by trans people (which is fantastic!), it’s easy to lose track of what is out there. I do talk about this in Just Add Hormones and Teeny Weenies, but neither book is specifically about this topic. What do readers recommend?
A reader writes: “I work for an organisation with lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender young people. A lot of the young people who come to us have experienced childhood sexual abuse. I was wondering if you have any materials or resources on transgender people who have experienced sexual abuse as children?
“I understand that it has been a tricky area for authors and researchers, since there has been a long and false association with childhood sexual abuse as causing transgender development. Childhood sexual abuse is shockingly common for people of all genders and I absolutely do not believe abuse can make someone trans. However, I do believe that there needs to be trans-sensitive and trans-positive materials for survivors/victims of childhood sexual abuse to help them in a unique healing process.
“I am not aware of any information that’s currently available specifically for transgender survivors/victims of childhood sexual abuse. I would really appreciate any pointers you have on this.”
While there are a lot of blog posts and other “information” about this on the Web, quite a bit of it is questionable. And you’re right – there are still people who claim that childhood sexual abuse somehow “caused” a person to “become” trans. I am sure that there is good, solid information and supportive materials out there that I am either not aware of or have forgotten. That’s where my brilliant readers come in. Readers, what can you suggest?
Thanks so much for all your help, my wonderful readers, and have a great New Year’s holiday if you celebrate!
I was on OkCupid for awhile and met some really cool people, both trans and non-trans.
Bear Bergman is a Toronto Trans writer and activist who’s book “the nearest exit may be behind you” may be of some interest to the individual looking for writings about gay transmen.
I wish I knew of trans-specific resources and information for survivors of sexual abuse and/or rape, but I have not been able to locate much for myself at all. The one thing I do have to offer is a link to Pandora’s Aquarium, which is a message board for all survivors of sexual abuse/rape:
http://pandys.org/forums/
It is a trans-friendly community, and there is an LGBTQ section that sees moderate traffic, and overall I have found the atmosphere there to be absolutely supportive of anyone who has been a victim of any of these crimes. But no, I have not been able to find any information out there specific to victims/survivors who identify as trans, and it is complicated just to find peer support.
But if anyone wants to join the conversation at Pandora’s, then there will be, like, four of us! : )
Aaron Raz Link’s book, What Becomes You, tells his story of being a gay trans man – http://www.nebraskapress.unl.edu/product/What-Becomes-You,673156.aspx
I even have this book! I can forget sometimes, which is why my readers are the best part of this blog. Thank you!
On gay trans men: I second Zander’s recommendation, and I’ll add a couple of blogs (the last two are not SFW):
http://faggotboi.wordpress.com/
http://gaytransguys.tumblr.com/
http://transfagssexjournals.blogspot.com/
There are great resources on sexual health at http://www.queertransmen.org/
It’s also worth looking up Lou Sullivan, who was a pioneer among gay trans men (and trans men in general): http://zagria.blogspot.com.ar/2008/07/louis-gradon-sullivan-1951-1991-pioneer.html
As a co-founder of the Lou Sullivan Society, I wholeheartedly encourage every ftm to become familiar with the amazing contributions Lou had his hand in!! http://www.lousullivansociety.weebly.com
Lou was also the inspiration for my book, Letters for my Brothers. He is included in the anthology as well. http://www.lettersformybrothers.com
Thank you, everyone, for your very helpful comments and resources. I could not do this without my readers. I really appreciate the support.
As she indicated her being a spiritual spirit, my only suggestion to the LA post op TS is that she visualize in her mind and heart the perfect partner as loving both himself and she unconditionally and that she loves herself and her perfect partner unconditionally as well, then she might be able to use that visualization as a guide to opening herself to having that partner come to her rather than she having to go look for him? Does that make any sense, Matt?
It makes perfect sense to me!