A reader writes: “I’m a 32-year-old female who is a bigender transgender. I got my testosterone checked and it’s 43. The doctor said that 45 and up would be kinda high, and I’m very close to that.
“Can this be why I’m bigender? I heard that most transgenders (transgender people) have high or near-high testosterone or estrogen. Thanks.”
The short answer is that I don’t know why you are bigender – but I obviously have more to say!
My understanding of the term bigender is that it refers to a person who manifests both masculine and feminine gender identities and who sometimes identifies as a man, sometimes identifies as a woman, or perhaps identifies as both simultaneously. I believe that this term can also refer to people who have multiple gender identities that are not necessarily restricted to traditional masculinity and femininity or to traditional representations of “man” and “woman.”
I’m sure that there are individual variations on this, and because I’m don’t identify as bigender, I might not be expressing this correctly, so I hope bigender people will correct or add to this definition. There is also information and individual stories, as well as communication and interaction opportunities, at Bigender.net.
I’m not sure what you mean by “bigender transgender,” but it’s possible that you mean that you have a bigender identity that leans heavily toward the masculine on a hypothetical masculine/feminine spectrum or towards “manhood” on a hypothetical man/woman spectrum.
The majority of men and women produce both testosterone and estrogen in varying amounts. Based on this, medical science has come up with averages or “norms” for both men and women, but those averages and norms fall within a very wide range. So what’s “normal” for you might not be for someone else.
I do know some trans guys who had what were considered to be very high testosterone levels prior to using prescription testosterone. But I also know some, like myself, whose testosterone levels were considered to be in the “normal” or average range for females with a “standard” body. This is probably the case for trans women as well with regard to estrogen.
And there are plenty of non-trans women out there with what would be considered high testosterone levels who do not feel themselves to be trans or bigender. There are also plenty of non-trans men out there with lower-than-average testosterone levels or higher-than-expected estrogen levels who don’t consider themselves trans or bigender. So it’s just hard to say.
You could ask your doctor if he/she believes that your testosterone level is related to your being bigender. But my question to you is this: Does it matter?
If you are bigender, you are. If you are transgender, you are. Based on everything I know about hormones and gender identity, decreasing your testosterone levels and/or increasing your estrogen levels will not change that.
I’m not a big one for causes, and I tend not to be too concerned about them. I think that you are the way you are, and the most important things to do are learn about it, learn from it, and embrace it.
So while I don’t know the answer to your question, I would suggest that you communicate with some other bigender people and get involved with some online discussion groups (or in-person groups if they are available where you are) so that you can feel more comfortable about being bigender (if you don’t already) and get more information.
I also hope that readers will have some additional thoughts and resources, so I now turn it over to my better half. Readers?
Matt, your description of bigender is pretty accurate. As bigender people, our gender identities lie at more than one point on the gender spectrum, as opposed to monogender people. Genderqueer people tend to blend presentations and identities while bigender people tend to have two (or more) different and distinct gender presentations. However, not all bigender people present as their non-assigned-at-birth gender whether through lack of opportunity or lack of desire as befits their needs.
It’s an odd sort of back and forth, trying to manage dysphoria that can arise from both not being read/treated/respected as male enough and not being read/treated/respected as female enough.
There’s many ways of managing the dysphoria: some use hormones, some just present as both of their genders, some find peace in acceptance and some use a combination of all of these.
FULL DISCLOSURE: I’m the founder of bigender.net and your reader would absolutely be welcome there. BG.N is comprised of a journals site (using the dreamwidth code) and a forums site. There is more activity and interactions on the forums (http://www.bigender.net/forum), so that is the place to answer your immediate needs, and a journal is useful for long-form and personal writing (with many layers of privacy control). I didn’t intend this to be an advertisement, as I make no money from bg.n, but it can be a little difficult to navigate (until my new design goes live) and I wanted to make sure your reader got where ze needed to go.
I don’t see it as an advertisement! I think it’s good information, and I appreciate you posting this, so thank you!
Before I started HRT, my T levels were low, then they spiked before dropping again. Sometimes levels mean everything, sometimes they mean nothing.
My intuition (and that’s all it is) is that hormones affect our experience, but not our gender identity. That’s why people who are transgender often feel such relief when they go on hormones – because at last, their experience is more congruent with their identity.
I spent a while thinking I was bigender (and benefited a lot from the people on BG.N during that) until I came to the conclusion that I wasn’t. Definitely give them a visit! They have no gender agenda, so there’s plenty of space to figure yourself out there.
Just to clarify what I wrote about transgender folk and hormones: it seems perfectly likely to me that some people be both bigender and transgender at once. To me, it makes sense that there’s a physical state that your body is most at ease with (which is either the one you already have, or it isn’t), and then there’s your gender(s) that inhabit that body.
As Matt points out, some trans people have perfectly “normal” biological everything for their assigned sex at birth, and others do not.
As people we have an impulse to find a cause, specifically a biological cause, to “justify” things for us. For me personally this has translated to secretly wishing that I discover I’m really intersex which would explain or lend validity to my trans status. I’ve heard this echoed by other trans people as well.
It’s so tempting to doubt and invalidate ourselves when there’s no evidence other than “I just know.” But “just knowing” doesn’t make our gender less true or less real.
As Matt wrote, there is probably no real statistical correlation between hormones and gender identity. There are intersex people who have non-cis gender identities, but on the other hand there are others who ID as their assigned gender. There are cis men and women with atypical homones who id as their assigned gender.
I used to think that there was no correlation at all, as I knew people with all kinds of combinations and didn’t see a correlation.
When I discovered that there is something “different” with my own biology, I was deeply confused.
Many trans people wish they discover they are intersex or something like that. I never wished for that, because I was sure that there is no correlation between the two.
When we find out such things about ourselves, often later in life, it’s very difficult to integrate this information.
Matt asks: does it matter?
This ties in to many things. Being trans still means being stigmatized, and in the eyes of sciety, it *would* matter if there is a biological cause. It does make a difference if I tell someone: I’m biologically different, that’s why I’m trans. People accepts that much easier.
Obviously, from a political standpoint, I reject that.
For example, I have found that friends who were uneasy with my being trans are now much more comfortable with it, after I told them about the biological factors. That’s why I stopped telling people- I hate that it makes a difference.
I also feel isolated from intersex people who suspect trans people of pretending to be intersex, and from trans people who have “intersex envy” alike. I can’t make them understand that it was a deep shock for me to find out these things and that it caused lots of problems. It made nothing better.
Could I just “let it go”? It’s terribly difficult to let go of something that you don’t have all the facts about. There is always doubt involved. I cannot know for sure. One day, more facts might come up that prove or disprove there is a connection. I don’t know which it will be.
And it does make a difference internally. It feels different.
When I didn’t know about the biological factors, trans was “my own thing”. It was part of my individuality/identity. Now trans feels like it might be “inflicted”, or a “disturbance”, because something “went wrong” (in my case, actually, physically).
I just don’t know how to deal with that. Especially because I don’t know which is it. It shifts in my head from one to the other.
I assume that if trans weren’t stigmatized at all, I wouldn’t bother thinking about it (?) But that’s not the case.
Behind that lies the unsettling question if trans (or identity per se) just “is” or if it is “made”. Are we what we are because it’s our individuality, or would we have been “normal” if not some factor would have cause an “aberration”. Normally I would refuse to even discuss such reactionary questions, but the events have shaken my self-confidence.
Wow, thank you for providing such an honest portrayal of your reality.
It’s true, biological essentialism is a double-edged sword: are you trans because it’s your identity, or because your hormones couldn’t help it? Which would you prefer? (and can it be cured is the next step…) Which makes you feel better or worse? So many interesting things to consider. Thanks again for sharing.
Funny, a friend of mine and I were talking about this today and both of us decided we didn’t care whether we were born this way or became genderqueer or trans through life experiences and choice. We were both very sure it was the right place for us regardless.
I’ve been told that a high proportion of those people who are female to male have polycystic ovary syndrome – PCOS – therefore high levels of androgens. Has this been mentioned as a possibility by the doctor? There may be some health issues associated with it.
I identify as genderqueer, bigender and transgender. I don’t see them as mutually exclusive, but that’s another discussion. I am an afab person who recognizes male and female gender identities within myself, each have their own unique and distinct personality characteristics, histories, sexualities, etc., as well as significant overlap. I sometimes feel more aligned and integrated, other times I feel these identities as very distinct and separate. I don’t know what my hormone levels are, my body is in perimenopause so there’s a lot going on anyway. Both identities present as masculine and I have no wish to medically transition to fully male. This is all to say that each bigender person likely has a unique story to tell so worrying about being a ‘normal bigender’ person isn’t something I’d spend much time on. Use the energy to know yourself, find a way to relate to yourself that is healthy and positive, no matter what words you use. Finding others to talk to is awesome as well.
Though I am sometimes curious about my biological make up and how it might relate to my gender identity, it isn’t something I need to justify the way I identify. Much like the debate about whether homosexuals are born that way or choose to be that way, it matters very little to me. Either way, people should be honored and respected for how they identify, not challenged and made to prove or justify that identity.
I was born with an undescended right testis and at age ten and again the next year I had surgery to repair it. At that young age I know I should not have had such a large incision and several days later a young nurse whispered in my ear that they had saved me from becoming a girl. She then pointed to the child in the bed next to me that I should be very nice to that boy because they didn’t know if they could save him from being a girl. I was so confused I never said a word to anyone what was told to me and looking back at the world attitude of the world it was a good thing I did not. But I digress from my story. At this tender age I didn’t really call myself a boy nor girl just a kid. Sexual I never matured to any extent till I was in my twenties and that was when I met my future wife that I have been now married to for forty years. My left testis never matured either and the undescended one was only 1.9 cm or so. The fact is I felt more female that male and even told my spouse that. She came on glued so I let it go but the feeling was there and I buried myself in work. Well, that was until that right testis started to grow and grow. I felt more female than any time in my life. As soon as I noticed the growth I rushed to the doctor, he said it was nothing and that I was to old for cancer. But I knew he was wrong and demanded investigation. In our small community the radiologist did the ultrasounds and it was clear to me she was embarrassed to death doing the test on a males testis. (I even saw a couple of workers peeking in to the room and laughing.) She said it was nothing but fluid and it would go away, wrong. Two months later I had to demand they remove the testis and I was then worked into the surgeons schedule another two months later, only if he could just do a local and would remain awake during surgery, OK just do it. They cut a 17-18 cm hole in me while I was awake and when the room became quiet I asked if it was malignant, YES. First of all that testis was in fact a fetal ovary and attached to it was a teratoma that extended into my abdomen. That radiologist was and is a quack but the ultrasounds where never saved to prove it, so she is still working. Several doctors working with her have quit to get away from her. But I digress again, At this point I dumped the doctors I. The next group of doctors found though a MRI a second mass 12.5 x 8.5 x 6.5 cm, I was stage four cancer. Four months of hell chemotherapy and then surgery at the Mayo Clinic the second mass was removed and it wasn’t malignant like the other masses it was one of the biggest teratoma the surgeon had seen. I was told I had Disorder of Sexual Development DSD, Intersex would be a better word. I had ovarian cancer and that was that. Just that is what you would call Bi-gendered in my case. This isn’t the end of my story and has many twists and turns.
If someone thinks they are bi-gendered or maybe they are transgender or?. Just accept them and be a friend.
I am just another human being, a good human being. Last month I became a grand parent, not a grand father or grand mother, a grand parent. We are very very happy to live to see this day.
You can call me Hannah if you need a name
I think “bigender” people somehow confuse gender identity with gender roles and presentation or understand gender in terms of social construct instead of inborn and unchangeable feature having its source in a brain’s structure. Behaving or feeling sometimes more masculine and sometimes more feminine doesn’t make a person man and woman simultaneously.
Experience of gender is connected with a perception of one’s body. Do bigender people sometimes wish their sexual characteristics were those of the opposite sex and sometimes not?
I agree that there is often confusion about what “gender” means- if it’s gender role or gender identity.
Please take care in judging what bi-gender people think if you are looking in from the outside. My understanding of myself as a bi-gender person is not wrapped in confusion about gender roles. I don’t see myself as a man and a woman because I want to be able to do masculine things as well as feminine things. That would be me confusing gender with gender roles. I know myself as male and female because that is my internal reality.
I also experience significant gender dysphoria at times. My male self does not always feel at home in our biologically female body. And, yes, that does lead me to consider how things would be if I were to move forward with elements of medical transition. I fear that would not be a solution for me, however, as I imagine my female self would have potential dysphoria issues.
All of this is to say, please do not confuse your experiences and observations of gender identity and roles with having knowledge of what I and other bi-gender identified people are going through. Understand that the tone of this comment feels dismissive to me and insulting. I’m going to assume it was not your intent to dismiss or offend.
The comment I left below was primarily meant as a response to this one.
Anonymous says: (I’m not a native speaker, so I didn’t notice the tone. If it’s a dismissive comment, I don’t agree with it
)
Well, when I read that a commenter thinks that another group might be confused about their identities, that is a tell tale that we’re starting from a dismissive standpoint. There are several assumptions made in the original comment that speak to a lack of open-mindedness about bi-gender identity and an assumption that we are ‘confused’ and don’t understand the difference between identity and role. Thanks for saying you don’t support the dismissive tone.
I believe that many people mix up gender role and gender identity, it’s a constant source for confusion on the web and in real life. I don’t think that bigender people get that mixed up more than other people. Reading the comment a second time I agree that it’s pretty dismissive.
“Can this be why I’m bigender? I heard that most transgenders (transgender people) have high or near-high testosterone or estrogen. Thanks.”
I’m no authority on hormones and their effect on anyone, but I can tell you what happened to me. However, please remember that bodies differ, so mine may not be typical. Someone mentioned that a large number of trans men have PCOS (poly-cystic ovary syndrome). I don’t know if it’s a large number but, from what I’ve read, research shows that approximately 25% of trans guys have it as opposed to only 5-10% of cis women. For those who may not be aware, PCOS is caused by a high level of androgens (or male hormones) in female bodies. These hormones create very painful ovarian cysts and other problems, including infertility, hairiness and insulin resistance, to name some.
When the docs figured out I had PCOS they did what they typically do to cis women who have it – they prescribed female hormones to counteract the effects. They didn’t know any better (there was no research on trans guys) and I didn’t know any better, or I would have objected. Unfortunately, in my case, the hormones rendered me kind of mentally numb for many, many years (I now refer to it as my coma) and suppressed my predominantly male (ish) personality. I didn’t realize it and didn’t see the connection until I stopped taking the hormones (‘causing the androgen level to rise again) and felt all my previous feelings about being male “reawaken”.
So can the delicate balance (or imbalance) of male and female hormones affect one’s gender identity? Who knows for sure, but if I had to guess I’d say it probably does for some but not for everyone. That being said, however, I also caution against trying to “find a cause” because that will likely lead to someone wanting to “find a cure” and (speaking for myself only) I don’t need that – there’s nothing wrong with me.