Comments for Matt Kailey

Comment on Ask Matt: Low Sex Drive is Driving Me Up the Wall by Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 18 May 2012 03:48:28 +0000

Pre T I had a very low sex drive due to hating my gender presentation and body. I started T and my sex drive went through the roof. I was in a relationship then and she couldn’t keep up, nor did she want to. I couldn’t concentrate on anything for about a year because I was always horny. Thankfully it finally calmed down. All of that to say that having an extremely high sex drive was not all that-at least for me.

Comment on Ask Matt: Low Sex Drive is Driving Me Up the Wall by Jack

Jack — Fri, 18 May 2012 00:26:26 +0000

^
I was going to mention AVEN, too!

My lack of a sex drive didn’t change with the addition of T and I’m just fine with that.

But a lot of the reasons Matt brings up about “causes” for someone’s lack of a sex drive sound dangerously close to the explanations non-asexuals use to describe people they know little about . . . “maybe it’s because you were abused” . . . “maybe it’s your upbringing” . . . “maybe it’s because you don’t like yourself” . . . “maybe you’re sick and don’t know it” . . . all blocks on the Bingo card. And not only that, but these are very similar to explanations once commonly hurled at homosexual people, and currently at trans people. So maybe now it’s just the asexuals’ turn to get our “condition” explained away.

Comment on Ask Matt: Low Sex Drive is Driving Me Up the Wall by maddox

maddox — Thu, 17 May 2012 23:39:52 +0000

As Matt mentioned, people’s experiences span the entire spectrum.

Just in case, I think the reader should check out AVEN: http://www.asexuality.org. Maybe it’s something that rings true to him.

Comment on Ask Matt: Transition and a Second Adolescence by maddox

maddox — Thu, 17 May 2012 23:36:08 +0000

My first puberty always felt like it was “the end” – the end of a dream, the end of a life of freedom, the end of possibility. When it started, I felt doomed. It was all downhill from there.

Now, I don’t take it so much as a second puberty, rather a complete transformation as I find myself. Overall I feel more confident and am much the wiser than I was 10 years ago, even though I am still figuring things out as I go along. Though I still look back, I’m mostly looking up and forwards to a brand new life, rather than down a dead end.

And Matt, I loved your 14-43 lines. Very true.

Comment on Ask Matt: Will Surgery Help With Dysphoria? by anon

anon — Thu, 17 May 2012 21:26:07 +0000

Thanks you!

Comment on Ask Matt: Losing and Finding Your Place in Trans Activism by mx. punk

mx. punk — Thu, 17 May 2012 21:03:44 +0000

with all friendliness and respect to the commenters, all this talk of “normal” transitions is making me feel uncomfortable. i like matt’s suggestion of “textbook” instead of “normal”. cuz my transition feels pretty normal to me, though it certainly isn’t “textbook”. more like “coloring book”. yay!

also, this is very interesting conversation. i think our diversity has the potential to be our greatest strength or our greatest weakness. our diversity can either tear us and our work apart– or it can grant us incredible flexibility and creativity in this unbelievably hostile world.

sorry for being cheesy, but i think we have a lot to learn from each other and i’m proud to be part of such a diverse and colorful community.

Comment on Ask Matt: Low Sex Drive is Driving Me Up the Wall by CaptLex

CaptLex — Thu, 17 May 2012 20:39:39 +0000

One guy I know told me that after he started T his sex drive decreased, and another told me that he has never had a sex drive and taking T hasn’t changed that. Neither one of them is unhappy with that, but if you’re unhappy with a decreased sex drive due to sexual dissatisfaction (and not just because you think you don’t measure up to others), definitely look into what you can do about it. I suggest starting with questions to the doc.

By the way, Matt, great job answering this (as usual).

Comment on Ask Matt: Low Sex Drive is Driving Me Up the Wall by Lyn

Lyn — Thu, 17 May 2012 17:35:08 +0000

I, too, have a low sex drive – before and after T. I’ve been on it for a little over a year and I did feel a little bit more drive just after starting T. I haven’t been in any sexual relationship with anyone sinse I came out as trans. But, at my age, I just don’t worry about it. It is what it is and that’s OK. I focus on my life as a whole and I have alot of enjoyments in life and I am thankful for that.

I think that we need to look outward into societal expectations of sexuality and/or manhood and not be blaming ourselves if we don’t “measure up”. Love ourselves as the unique human beings that we are!

Comment on Ask Matt: Low Sex Drive is Driving Me Up the Wall by Adam

Adam — Thu, 17 May 2012 17:25:03 +0000

My sex drive about doubled when I started T and fell back to its previous level when I started antidepressants (loss of sex drive is a common side effect). What bothered me most was that I felt like I had lost a part of what being male was supposed to feel like and I felt almost ashamed that my sex drive was at my “normal female” level.

Comment on Ask Matt: Low Sex Drive is Driving Me Up the Wall by anderov

anderov — Thu, 17 May 2012 15:30:42 +0000

I also have a pretty low sex drive, and did not experience a spike when I started T [nearly 6 years ago]. While it did not *bother* me, per say, I did feel, as the original asker mentioned, like I was “missing out” since you very rarely hear any trans guy deviate from the “omg I was so horny after T” line [and since any cis guys listening tend to respond with something like "Yep! Welcome to manhood!" =p]. I have since talked to several cis guys who’s sexual response was similar to mine, and it really allowed me to just completely stop worrying about it.

Since, as Matt mentions, there is a lot of pressure on men to by hyper-sexual, it’s really worth examining whether your problem is actually with your sex drive or if it might be with your perceived failure to live up to the hyper-sexual ideal.