The “just like you” argument is about as old as time, dirt, and me. It probably emerged with the first person to be marginalized by a group in power, and there was likely enough of a difference between this person and that group that the group was able to justify shutting him or her out.

So clearly this person was not “just like them” – at least not in whatever way mattered to the larger group.

Trans people (as well as people with non-straight sexual orientations) continue to use this argument in our demands for equal rights, and it certainly is a valid one – but it’s not the only one, because not all trans people see themselves as “just like” the (non-trans) population in power.

I have made this pronouncement myself on many occasions over the years, and I was, and am, sincere when I make it. But there are other times when I have questioned the wisdom – or even the truth – of it.

The fact is that I – and all other trans people – deserve equal rights whether we’re “just like you” or not. And one of the great things that the Internet has done – besides make resources available to isolated trans people and keep us informed about what the Kardashians are up to, whoever they are – is that it has brought to light the fact that most people aren’t “just like you.”

In fact, there is no mainstream “you” and there never was. We just didn’t know it, because we didn’t have access to all the goofy, weird, and utterly bizarre stuff that those people who are considered the mainstream “you” take part in.

Whoever set up this “you” idea was no doubt looking at statistical data that was skewed by self-report (people will lie to survey-takers to make themselves look good) and researcher bias (because even researchers want to be “just like you”).

But even though we now know what the collective “you” is really like (and it ain’t so pretty, and that includes the Kardashians), when I do decide to take my “just like you” position, I have some solid facts to back it up.

I’m “just like you” because:

> I eat, drink, sleep, breathe, digest food, and carry out other biological functions that are common to our species.

> I work, vote, pay taxes, and carry out other cultural functions that are common to our species.

> I feel, worry, care, love my family, and carry out other emotional functions that are common to our species.

> I wear clothing, maintain good personal hygiene, have several means of communication, follow generally accepted standards of public behavior, and carry out other social functions that are common to our species.

On the other hand, I’m not “just like you” because:

> I’m trans.

And you’re not “just like me” because:

> you’re not.

And while I’ll probably continue to use the “just like you” argument when it makes sense to do so, the more I see of the collective “you,” the less inclined I am to take ownership of it. That doesn’t make me unequal. It just makes me discerning.

Readers, what do you think of the “just like you” argument? Is it accurate for you?

A reader writes: “As a European living in New York, I find the U.S. health insurance system bewildering, to put it mildly. A German friend just had his bottom surgery done (is in the process of – seems to take a lot of steps, including complications) and there is no question that his health insurance would pay for it.

“In addition, frankly, U.S. medical costs are astronomical. So how does the average U.S. guy pay? At an FTM meeting, I heard a strange comment: ‘I wish I were on Medicaid.’ Is that more likely to pay than health insurance? Seems weird. I checked my own insurance and the alternative available through work, and neither of them pay for ‘gender stuff.’

“At the same time, they have known me as none other than ‘he,’ my documents are in ‘he,’ and even my birth certificate, due to arrive shortly, is in ‘he.’ So if ‘he’ lacks a body part, or the hormones, surely that is no longer gender alignment.”

As an American living in the United States, I find the U.S. health insurance system bewildering as well. In my experience, the bottom line with U.S. healthcare is that most insurance companies will pay for as little as they can get away with, regardless of what medical situation you are in.

However, an increasing number (a very small, very slowly increasing number) are starting to cover some or all aspects of transition. But most do not, and most policies have specific exclusions when it comes to anything related to transition – one thing insurance companies don’t care much about is “gender alignment.”

In a capitalist society, it’s pretty much all about money. Anything that costs money and doesn’t make money is suspect and is examined under a microscope to see how paying for it can be avoided. In addition, and this is my opinion only, I believe that there is an unspoken concept of “morality” underlying many of the decisions that are made about various goods and services that businesses offer to the public.

Although we claim to have a separation of church and state, much of our government policy is based on this vague concept of “morality.” And, of course, private enterprise can do what it wants, but this code of “morality” lingers beneath many of the decisions private companies make, and those decisions are not questioned or protested by the public, because the public is steeped in this concept of what is acceptable – what garners our “approval” – and what is not.

Therefore, while most people would make a stink about a young mother with cancer being denied an expensive, yet successful, treatment by her insurance company (because it would be seen as immoral – just inherently wrong – to deny her this treatment simply because of cost), these same people would not rally to the defense of a trans person needing expensive (yet successful) treatments for transition, because of the question of “morality” – god doesn’t make mistakes, changing your body is wrong, you have a mental illness, not a medical illness, and so on. So insurance companies have little problem getting away with denying these medically necessary procedures.

It is my opinion that a capitalist economic system constructed on top of a series of “moral principles” that cause particular squeamishness when it comes to anything regarding the body results in these (and other) generally accepted insurance policy exclusions.

I think that insurance companies will eventually be forced to add this coverage, but they will not go quietly. Here are a few factors that I think are causing some progress to be made and that have implications for the future:

> The U.S. Tax Court’s decision in O’Donnabhain v. Commissioner of Internal Revenue, which designates transition surgeries and other procedures as legitimate medical expenses.

> The Human Rights Campaign’s (HRC) Corporate Equality Index, which has continued to expand its requirements regarding treatment of trans people in order for a company to receive a high or perfect score. Although HRC has never been a popular organization with the trans community, for a host of legitimate reasons, it is a powerful organization, and many businesses covet a high rating on the CEI. I’m not a fan of HRC, but I’m not going to deny the influence that the CEI has had on corporations offering benefits to trans people, including insurance benefits that cover transition procedures.

> The visibility of trans people in the workplace, which has allowed employers to see that we’re out there and that we are valuable employees that they not only want to retain after transition, but that they actually want to recruit. And the way to both retain good employees and to recruit others is to offer benefits that will attract them.

> The visibility of trans people on Capitol Hill, which has allowed Congress to see us as intelligent, productive, and voting members of society. Although the government has lagged behind big business in recognizing the importance of equal rights and protections for trans people, our presence is absolutely necessary to continue any forward momentum and to avoid slipping backwards. There are varied opinions of the National Center for Transgender Equality within the community, but it is the most powerful and visible trans organization on Capitol Hill.

With regard to Medicaid, my understanding (and I hope readers will correct me if I’m wrong and add what they know) is that it is a jointly funded state and federal program administered by the states, and each state government has the power to decide what Medicaid will pay for in that state.

My understanding is that Medicaid coverage of transition medications and procedures varies from state to state and is often considered on a case-by-case basis. I think that, historically, Medicaid has covered only a handful of transition-related surgeries, so I don’t think Medicaid is the answer – at least not now.

So how do guys pay for their surgery? Many do not. Even today, the majority of guys in the United States do not have genital surgery, although I think the numbers are increasing. One of the primary obstacles is cost. Most guys simply do not have the money and have no way to get it.

A few do work in a setting where insurance covers this surgery. Some have metoidioplasty, with or without testicle construction, which is substantially less expensive than phalloplasty. Some work three jobs to save the money. Some take out a second mortgage (or a third). Some take out loans or borrow from family and go into long-term debt. Some sell their possessions. It just depends on what means (if any) they might have to get the funds.

But again, the reality is that most guys don’t have surgery, and it’s not all a matter of cost. Some guys have health concerns that prevent the surgery, others don’t want to go through the pain, risk, and possible complications, and some just don’t care.

But what the public, the government, and the health insurance companies need to understand is that, for those trans men and women who require genital surgery, or any other type of transition-related surgery, it is a medical necessity and, like any other medical necessity, should be covered by insurance.

Readers – thoughts and information?

Last year, I wrote a guest post for the excellent blog Womanist Musings called “Leave the Kids Out of It,” about a brouhaha over gendered Halloween costumes. Now we’ve got another situation where kids are being dragged into adult morality wars.

The Girl Scout Cookie boycott, organized to protest the admission of a trans girl to a Colorado troop, was allegedly conceived by a fourteen-year-old girl, but my guess is that she’s getting her faulty information from somewhere above (and I don’t mean heaven – I mean an adult).

Although I believe that the Colorado girl eventually decided not to join the Scouts (who can blame her after all the negative publicity – she’s seven years old!), the morality police are not going to let the situation rest. They are calling for a boycott of Girl Scout cookies this year because, unlike the Boy Scouts, the Girl Scouts organization wants every child to have a chance to participate in scouting.

I have always had mixed feelings about boycotts. In many cases, they hurt the very people who they’re trying to help. Boycotting an entire state over an anti-LGBT or anti-immigration law hurts LGBT business owners or the immigrants in that state who are struggling to make a living. But boycotts do work, and sometimes they lead to very successful outcomes for those who were wronged.

In this case, however, the boycott involves more than just a multimillion-dollar organization receiving some kind of “message” from the morality police. It involves little children who were not involved in the Colorado troop’s decision (which was the right one, by the way). It involves little children who approach their friends and neighbors, or who set up shop outside of grocery stores, or who send their mom or dad to work with an order sheet and then thrill to the long list of purchasers at the end of the day.

It involves little children who are trying to have fun, learn something, and do something good for themselves and their community. It makes me sick to think of the disappointed faces on these little girls when they are turned away by adults who should know better than to fight their moral battles using innocent kids. The “collateral damage” in this morality war is heartbreaking.

Boycotters: you might or might not hurt the Girl Scouts organization by refusing to buy cookies this year – but you will hurt some little kids who have done nothing to you and who don’t yet understand your misdirected hate. I hope those of us who care more about children than about some invented moral crisis more than make up for the lost revenue of your boycott. I haven’t bought Girl Scout cookies in years, but this year, I plan to buy as many boxes as I can afford.

I’m not going to walk past the children in front of the grocery store. I’m not going to turn away little girls who ask me to buy cookies. If I have to sacrifice my grocery bill to help right this horrible wrong that you boycotters are inflicting on these children, then I will eat nothing but Girl Scout cookies for a month.

And to those parents who forbid their daughters to sell cookies this year as part of the boycott, shame on you! Why would you punish your daughter for something that she had no part in and probably doesn’t even understand?

Adults, fight your own battles! Stop using the kids to fight them for you. You want to talk about morality? Drafting children as soldiers in your morality wars is the most immoral thing of all.

Readers, I encourage you to buy Girl Scout cookies if you can. Even one box makes up for one box the boycotters don’t buy. And let me (a former Brownie and Girl Scout) know your thoughts.

Buck Angel talks about the Girl Scout cookie boycott on YouTube:

A reader writes: “I’m a gay trans man about four months on T, and I’m making plans to schedule top surgery soon. Although my overall gender identity is pretty much binarily male, my sexual identity seems more dual-gender, in that when I’m feeling aroused, nipple stimulation and visualizing myself with a mixture of both male and female physical features really turns me on – including the fact that I have breasts. This tendency to sexually fetishize my breasts has gotten stronger since starting T.

“Since I identify overall as male, a muscular, masculine-looking chest is something I really want, and I don’t think I’d be satisfied with just a reduction. I’m finding top surgery to be much more difficult to follow through with, though, because I’m worried that part of me may regret removing my breasts, even if it’s only when I’m aroused. I feel prepared to accept that possibility, which is why I intend to go through with it. I just have no idea if I will still have a desire to fetishize my chest post top surgery, and if so, I have no idea if I will still feel able to any more, especially if I lose all sensation in my nipples.

“I was hoping you might have some advice to offer me, and I’d like to ask about if and how you resolved your own sexual identity with your gender identity. Did you have any regrets after starting T or after your top surgery? Do you think it’s okay to feel like you’re sacrificing something to get something else you want more? Or does having even a little bit of regret usually come back to haunt you?”

Testosterone is an amazing and completely discombobulating hormone. I believe what you are experiencing is more common among trans guys than you might think. It’s just that, if it happens, most guys won’t talk about it.

What’s happening, as you know, is a change in sexual arousal – both in strength and in type. When I started testosterone, not only did my sex drive expand to fill all available space (scientists are puzzling over all that dark energy out there in the universe, but I can tell them what it is – my sex drive), but it also changed.

In addition to the increased response to visual stimuli (which I was not expecting) came an increased response to seeing boobs (also unexpected). That doesn’t mean my sexual orientation changed. It just means that hormones can affect sexual attraction and may alter or enhance it. I didn’t have the same feeling about my own boobs that you do, but your experience does not surprise me.

I can’t tell you whether or not you should have chest surgery, and I can’t tell you whether or not you will regret your decision (regardless of what decision you make). But I can give you some things to consider as you are struggling with this dilemma:

> As you know, testosterone dramatically increases sex drive in most people who are exposed to certain quantities of it. For most trans men, this levels off after the first couple of years – it recedes into the background. You get used to it. So the intense (and probably frequent) sexual arousal that you are currently experiencing after four months on T should lessen, which could (but maybe not) result in less intense feelings about your own breasts.

> Chest reconstruction is an extensive surgery, and it can result in reduced sensation or complete loss of sensation in the nipple area. Some guys have no problems, and other guys have no sensation. I think that there are some ways to reduce the risk (by not having nipple reconstruction, for example, which many guys have in order to reduce large nipple size), but as with any type of surgery, there are no guarantees.

You should discuss this with your surgeon well in advance of your surgery and see what his or her thoughts are on this. You don’t have to tell your surgeon about your detailed concerns. Most surgeons are aware that we would like to retain nipple sensation if possible.

> When we are sexually aroused (men, women, trans, non-trans), we think, and sometimes do, things that we wouldn’t otherwise do. Sexual arousal, when it’s happening, can be all-consuming. That’s what nature had in mind when constructing a way to maintain the existence of any particular species.

When we are on the horns of horniness, we are not always logical, rational beings. We are responding reflexively. This is why we can have unusual, bizarre, or even inappropriate fantasies that make us crazed with lust at the moment, but that we would never act on or that would not interest us when we are not in a sexually aroused state. Once the immediate sexual need is satisfied, the object of arousal generally takes a back seat to the rest of our life.

So it’s possible that you will experience periods of regret during sexual arousal if you no longer have your breasts and/or if you no longer have sensation in your nipples. You will need to weigh that against your desire to have a male chest, and if you’re having any doubts, you might consider rescheduling your surgery for a later date. This will give you more time to really think about it and to see if your feelings change the longer you have been on T and the more you are able to adjust to your increased sex drive.

Now, to briefly answer your questions:

I’d like to ask about if and how you resolved your own sexual identity with your gender identity.

I started out calling myself a gay man. Then I moved to calling myself a gay trans man, because gay men were constantly on my back (not literally, unfortunately) about me calling myself a gay man. When I realized that I found some women hot, I occasionally called myself bisexual. Then I started calling myself queer in order to cover all my bases, because I found a variety of people attractive, including those who did not necessarily fit into the gender binary. Now I call myself gay when I see a hot guy, bisexual when I see a hot woman, and queer when I see a hot person of indeterminate gender. I don’t know if I have resolved anything that way, but it allows me to ogle just about everyone.

I don’t think you should worry about a resolution right now. Don’t get caught up in labels or what “should” or “shouldn’t” exist in a binary gender system. You are in the middle of a transition. Things will continue to change, and resolution will come about in its own time. That’s the positive and negative of a transition – you are in a gray area, which is tough, but you are also in the process of developing an authentic self that, in many ways, you have the power to craft to your liking, once you figure out what that liking is.

Did you have any regrets after starting T or after your top surgery?

No. But even fourteen years later, I sometimes experience what I call “wistfulness,” which I see as a similar, but much milder, feeling than regret. I remember things about my femalehood fondly – I had great breasts (of course, I had implants), I had a great wardrobe (I think women’s clothes are more attractive than men’s), I sometimes miss certain types of jewelry or shoes … things like that.

The majority of trans guys I have spoken to do not have regrets, nor do they have “wistfulness.” Either way, I did not have the same doubts going in as you do with regard to my top surgery, so my lack of regret does not signal the same for you.

Do you think it’s okay to feel like you’re sacrificing something to get something else you want more?

I think we sacrifice something to get something we want more almost every day of our life in one area or another. Any time that you have to make a choice between two desirable outcomes, you are making a sacrifice, and people (trans or not) do that all the time. Trans people are often forced into these types of sacrifices, because they must sacrifice their job, partner, friends, or safety in order to live authentically. I think sacrificing one thing to get another is a pretty standard part of being human.

That said, I am a cautious person when it comes to making a decision that will affect me for the rest of my life. There are people who say, “You will never be 100 percent sure, so you just have to jump in and do it,” whatever it is. I agree with jumping in head first in many situations, but I also think that if a person is truly agonizing over a decision that can be delayed with no ill effects, sometimes (not always) the best course might be to give it more thought.

Or does having even a little bit of regret usually come back to haunt you?

Sometimes things come back to haunt us even if we were 100 percent sure at the time we did them. So again, there are no guarantees, and doubt and fear can sometimes keep you locked in place when you need to move forward.

However, the thing about chest surgery is that you can have it any time – next month, next year, or five years from now. But once you’ve had it, it’s done. You can get implants, but it will not be the same and could result in even further sensation loss. There are plenty of men out there with breasts, and you might end up being one of them.

My final thought is to discuss this with your therapist (everything you’ve told me) and with your surgeon (regarding the risk of lost sensation). I suspect that when you have been on T longer and have adjusted to the sex-drive thing, your sexual attachment to your breasts will diminish, but I can’t guarantee it. You need to get as much information as you can, do as much soul-searching as you can, and make the best decision you can based on the information you have at hand.

I know my readers, both men and women, will have more thoughts and experiences on this that will be helpful, so I turn it over to them.

In 2003, photographer Jana Marcus started photographing and interviewing trans people for a small photo exhibit. She didn’t know at the time that the exhibit would grow into a major project, Transfigurations, that would travel to galleries around the country for several years and receive prestigious awards and universal praise.

Transfigurations has recently been released as an elegant softcover book that is destined to be in every trans person’s collection (and on his or her coffee table, as well). With a foreword by renowned trans activist Jamison Green and over 100 pages of photographs and bios of trans men and women, Transfigurations presents the true diversity and varied experiences of the trans community.

Matt Kailey: Transfigurations, which is an absolutely beautiful book depicting a diverse cross-section of the trans community, was originally an award-winning gallery exhibit. Can you explain how the whole project got started and why you decided to take on this project?
Jana Marcus: I’m a documentary photographer, which for me means I enjoy telling stories through images and words. I’ve always been drawn to subjects I don’t understand, and try to discover answers through the camera.

Transfigurations started when I went to graduate school in 2003 and had the opportunity to spend three years creating personal work, which is a huge luxury for any artist, especially for me, who had been working as a commercial photographer for years. Around the time I started grad school, I had rented a room in my home to a young man who was studying at the local university. After six months, he shared with me that he had been a woman five years earlier, and told me about his transition process. I was amazed.

I didn’t know any transgender people at the time and certainly had no idea women could become men. His story stayed of great interest to me, so as I was deciding what my thesis in grad school would be, I decided to photographically investigate who trans men were and their thought processes around what influenced their concepts of masculinity. The original work was twenty pieces titled The Making of a Man. After grad school, I took six months to photograph trans women and their concepts of femininity. I then repackaged the entire work, of both trans men and women, and that became the exhibit Transfigurations.

MK: How did you round up the participants, and was it difficult to find people who wanted to be photographed?
JM: In the beginning, I didn’t know any trans people. My housemate had moved on to another university, so I started to attend local support group meetings for trans people and asked if anyone would be interested in being photographed for my project. They all thought I was nuts and gave me the cold shoulder! What I soon realized was that the folks in the support group meetings were involved in a complex process of discovering who they were. I was searching for the voice of people who had already been through the physical and mental process and were able to talk about it with perspective.

My partner remembered she knew someone who had transitioned, so several phone calls later, Stu agreed to come to the studio and be photographed and interviewed. He thought I was “cool,” so he told some of his friends, and then the word spread like wildfire about the project. It took about six months to get rolling, but once it did, I had more people willing to participate than I could actually photograph and interview with the given time period to create the work.

To this day, having photographed over a hundred trans men and women, I’m still amazed at the courage and willingness of every one of my subjects for coming forward, being out, and giving a voice to the trans community – spreading trans awareness through this work. It’s been an incredibly moving experience for both myself as an artist, and for the people in the work.

MK: In what ways did this project change you, if at all?
JM: I became very aware of the gender boxes we are all put in, in this culture, something I hadn’t really thought about before. I also came to understand how gender expression in many ways is a performance. Every day I perform my gender based on the choices I make – the clothes I put on, etc. Mostly, this entire experience has been incredibly humbling to me, and I’m very grateful that I’ve had the opportunity to bring the transgender story to the mass public.

MK: What were the responses that you saw when people viewed the gallery exhibit? What effects did the exhibit have on non-trans people who might not have had a lot of exposure to trans people? What were the responses of trans people viewing the exhibit?
JM: As an artist, we often create in a vacuum, unaware of how our work will be taken by the public once it is out there in public view. I was very clear about my intentions of representing trans people in a non-sensational way. For lack of a better word, I really wanted to “normalize” them to the mass public – to show that they are no different from anyone else, they’ve just had a much harder time getting to a place of feeling comfortable with themselves. The work on the whole is really about being men and women – about gender identity – which everyone can relate to, no matter where they may fall on the gender spectrum.

The response to the first gallery exhibit, at San Jose State University, blew me away. About 100 people came to the opening, and everyone was crying as they slowly went through the exhibit, looking at the images and reading the words of the subjects they were looking at. Attendees were incredible moved. A mother of a transgender child came up to me and said, “Thank you for doing this work. It lets me know that my child can grow up and have a good life.”

At the same opening, a middle-aged, straight, white male came up to me and said, “I didn’t know anything about transgender people before seeing this work, and I’ve learned something new – but mostly the work has made me think about the kind of man I am projecting out into the world.”

The trans community has really rallied around this work and supported it wholeheartedly, feeling that it is one of the only fair representations out there of who they are and their journeys of becoming whole.

So you can see the work has moved many people from all walks of life, which has been incredibly rewarding for me as a documentarian and as a person. I think the universal appeal of what it means to be men and women in our culture is one of the facets that has made this work so popular. My goal in my work has always been to start the wheels of social change into motion. I’m very proud of Transfigurations and how it has helped so many people.

MK: The gallery exhibit won several awards and traveled around the country for several years before it was turned into a book. Did you know when you started that it would eventually be a book? How did that come about, and how has the response been to the book?
JM: When I started the work, I had no idea it would be as popular as it has been for the last six years. Having published before, I took this to my agent in New York, but he refused to rep it to publishers because he told me he had personal issues with trans people. Without an agent, I couldn’t get in front of publishers, and I found myself stuck. Several university professors wanted to use the work as a textbook in their sociology/gender studies classes. So last year I decided to look into self-publishing. This gave me the opportunity to produce a book of the highest quality duotones, but it was very expensive.

A friend recommended I try kickstarter.com, a website that puts artists together with donors, and we raised $13,000 in ten days! The trans community really rallied around the book and together we raised the $20,000 to produce the book. That was an amazing time! So we raised the money, and the book designer, Mark Ong, and I produced the book within two months and sent it to press overseas. It officially came out in October 2011. The response has been stupendous.

MK: Please give us a little of your personal background. How did you first get interested in photography, who were your influences, and how did you develop as a photographer?
JM: Since I was young, I have had this unquenching desire to document things. I love images. I love trying to capture something in a single frame that moves someone else. I moved to New York after high school and apprenticed with a few fashion photographers before going to art school at the School of Visual Arts. Early on, I realized I want to say something about the world around me in my work and immediately ditched the idea of becoming a fashion photographer for more journalistic endeavors.

But the fashion influences have definitely stayed with me. Fashion photogs are doing some of the most cutting edge photography out there. My greatest influences have been the Hollywood glamour photographers of the ’30s and ’40s, like George Hurell – rich black-and-white images with stunning lighting. You can definitely see that influence in Transfigurations.

I’ve enjoyed a nice career as a commercial photographer, specializing in performing arts, magazine editorial, and portraiture work – hey, we all have to make a living – but documentary work is really where my heart is. In undergrad, I studied sociology/community Studies at UC Santa Cruz and got my MFA in photography from San Jose State University. I recently was awarded Community Activist of the Year by the Bay Area Elections Committee for the book.

MK: What is your next project, or what are you currently working on?
JM: I’m currently writing a novel – but I’m thinking about Transfigurations: Ten Years Later and photographing everyone in the book ten years after the fact. Wouldn’t that be interesting?

MK: What else would you like to say?
JM: I see myself as a storyteller, a conduit in many ways, to bringing stories to the public in the hopes of breaking down stereotypes and bringing about awareness, to start the wheels of social change, to use the power of the still image to inform and bring understanding to issues – to be a voice for those who don’t have a voice of their own.

In my industry, we believe images can change the world. That may be naïve, but we are all aware that since the beginning of photography, images have provoked reactions in people, and those reactions have caused change to happen. This is because photographs are more than just a visual record – they engage your compassion, becoming a springboard for interpretation and debate and hopefully delve into life’s deeper meanings.

Transfigurations captures a moment in the life of each of the people in it, and these images are a powerful statements of what is and what can be. My goal with Transfigurations has been to put a human face on the transgender community. I wanted to make people care about this community as much as I have come to care about it.

This book is about hope – hope for awareness and understanding in the mainstream culture, and hope for every single person in the world who is trans or thinking about transitioning, that the journey is doable and can happen – and, as Dan Savage would put it, it does “get better.” In the end, the work is about being a human being and celebrating the human spirit.

Get more information or purchase Transfigurations through 7 Angels Press or amazon.com. Photo slideshow below of Jana Marcus (color photo) and images from Transfigurations.

A reader writes: “I am a trans woman who transitioned at a young age. During this time, and for years after, I was pretty much unemployable, becoming stuck in a legal twilight where I didn’t have enough money to complete SRS and thus obtain full legal recognition as female, and due to other circumstances, retaining a male name that I couldn’t legally change. So between the ages of 17 and 30, I had next to zero legal work history and often relied on others for financial support.

“Foolishly, I failed to educate myself about the necessity to file income taxes each year, since most of my income was through the support of others. Needless to say I didn’t keep good financial records and I never once submitted my taxes.

“I finally started getting my life together, changed my name legally, and for the first time was able to find and keep legal work to support myself. I was thrilled except for one thing. I was terrified to begin submitting my taxes for the first time as I had no way to explain the twelve-year delay. Even some years later, I still haven’t worked up the courage to submit income taxes yet. What’s changed is that I really now do have a trackable source of income for the last few years and I have legal documents backing up my female identity. But I’m still terrified. Everybody speaks of failing to file taxes as a one-way ticket to prison.

“I know you aren’t an attorney and not qualified to give legal advice, but I don’t even know how to bring this up or where else to bring this up.”

I’m definitely not an attorney and not qualified to give legal or tax advice (I know you said it, but I felt the need to repeat it – you can never have too many disclaimers). Any information that I present here can be found on the IRS website or on the Internet by doing a search for tax attorneys. I will tell you what I know and hope that readers who are experts or have more experience than I do will fill in the particulars.

You are probably not alone as far as your situation. We all know what the employment scene is like for trans people out there, and I’m sure that there are many who are receiving financial help from family and friends or are receiving cash gifts or payments in exchange for various services. Many people do not file tax returns based on this income.

However, according to the IRS website, the IRS considers all income as taxable (including illegally earned income), so people should be filing taxes on any income (money in exchange for goods or services) that they receive. However, gifts, including cash, given by family members, friends, and acquaintances are generally not considered income and are free from tax up to $13,000 (currently).

But the most important thing is that you are currently working, your employer is taking taxes out of your paycheck, and your employer is also reporting this employment status to the IRS every year. The IRS expects employer and employee tax reports to match up. When they don’t, that sends up a red flag, and when you file your first return after having worked for a period of years and not filing, that will send up another red flag, and they might be contacting you.

I can’t promise you that you won’t go to jail, but I don’t think that the IRS is all that interested in sending people there – particularly average taxpayers who make mistakes or don’t understand the system. They would rather get their money than go to court, and they will work with almost anyone who is willing to work with them.

You will likely have tax, interest, and penalties from any back taxes that might be owed since the time you started your job. You will probably also have penalties for failing to file for the years that you have been employed. If you were due any refunds, you might not be able to get them now. You might have to file certain special forms and request a payment plan (which many people do). All of this can be handled by a reputable tax attorney or tax preparer, and I would strongly advise that you, or anyone else in this situation, consult one.

I realize that being trans makes this more difficult. In most cases, you will probably have to come out to this person, because the IRS might have you on file with both your old and new name, or your old name could come up in some other way. I’m not sure how they keep those records.

But you might want to consult with your local LGBT center, if you have one nearby, or look for tax attorneys and tax preparers that advertise to the LGBT community. There are also trans tax attorneys and tax preparers. Some of them might promote themselves as such, and some might not, but you could do a search and see who’s out there.

Money might be a barrier for you, and in that case, you might want to see if there are any free or sliding-scale legal services available. Some LGBT or gender centers might have professionals who work with them on a volunteer basis or at a reduced cost for the community. The most important thing is that you start looking and that you plan to file your taxes this year. The longer you wait, the more penalties will accrue and the heavier this will weigh on your mind.

For those who have recently changed their name, you do need to notify the Social Security Administration of this name change. The name on your tax return and the name the SSA has for you need to match. Once you’ve notified the SSA of your name change, you should have no problem filing your taxes under your new name.

In addition, if you have had transition-related medical care in 2011 (and possibly in 2009 and 2010), including hormone therapy and some surgeries, these should be deductible as medical expenses, thanks to the U.S. Tax Court’s ruling in O’Donnabhain v. Commissioner of Internal Revenue. Of course, as with any deductions, there are many factors involved that you should discuss with your tax preparer. The National Center for Transgender Equality has an IRS Fact Sheet (click on the Federal Issues tab and scroll down to Federal Taxes and Transgender People) that can provide direction in this area.

Remember, tax time is upon us. Don’t let your trans status keep you from filing. You might even get a refund!

Readers, what do you know or what experiences have you had?

A reader writes: “So are you single?”

Yes.

Short question, short answer. But if you’ve been reading for a while, you know that I can’t just give a short answer to anything. I think being single is an important thing to talk about, because relationships, while a primary concern of many people in general, are a particular concern to those in the trans community.

At this point in my life, I’m single by choice, and there are a few factors involved. Probably the most influential of those is my tendency to be a loner by nature. As I explain in this post that I wrote for Womanist Musings last year, lonerism is highly misunderstood, because we’re often seen as antisocial, maladjusted, or just plain stuck up.

I am none of these things, but I am probably a classic Myers-Briggs Introvert, someone who gets his or her energy and who rejuvenates by being alone. This is a personality trait that a lot of people don’t understand, and it can lead to others feeling rejected when the loner needs to be alone.

Another influence has been my pre-transition versus post-transition experience of the world. As a female, I was unsure of who I was or what I wanted, which makes sense when you are a person struggling with trans issues, because you aren’t who you are. But I had a tendency to live through my male partners, because my real goal was to be like them. And I needed that male energy, so I was not without a partner from the age of fifteen to the age of forty-two, when I started my transition.

After transition, I was amazed at how free I felt to discover my own preferences and to choose my own activities, movies, food, sleep time, and everything else. Of course, I could have done this at any time in my life, but I didn’t. And although it sounds selfish now, experiencing my life as a single person has been very beneficial to me. I had a lot of catching up to do with regard to getting to know myself, and I have really embraced this opportunity.

That said, I have had dates, I have had “physical interactions,” and I have met people who I was interested in, but in some cases, time and money (the lack of both) have prevented me from pursuing this. One thing I don’t want to do is call somebody up and say, “Would you like to go out? You would? Great. I’ll pick you up, we’ll swing through the McDonald’s drive-thru, get a few things off the dollar menu, then I’ll drop you back off at home.” So recently, the dating pool has become more of an overgrown swamp.

But I never say never, and I think that I will eventually start dating again, or even looking for a partner, and when that time comes, what better place to post a giant personal ad than on my own blog? Stay tuned.

While all this information was way more than what the question-writer wanted to know, the reason that I thought it was important to explain is that the real answer to this question, for me, is more complex than just a “yes.”

It can be discouraging to trans people to hear that other trans people are single, because the fear of never having a partner or never being loved again can loom large for members of our community. I think it’s important to point out that many trans people have wonderful, happy, long-term relationships. I do believe that, in some cases, being trans can make it more difficult to find dates and/or a relationship, but that doesn’t mean it won’t happen.

We might get turned down because we’re trans, but non-trans people get turned down all the time, for a variety of reasons. Rejection says more about the person who does the rejecting than it does about the person who has been spurned.

If someone rejects you because you’re not pretty, smart, funny, or successful enough for them, that doesn’t mean that you’re not pretty, smart, funny, or successful. If someone rejects you because you’re trans, it means that that particular person is not attracted to trans people, not that trans people aren’t attractive.

It’s true that there are some trans people who will never have a relationship after transition, but there are many non-trans people who will never have a relationship either. Relationships are tenuous things, and you never really know how long they will last or how you will fare in them.

Given that, whether you’re trans or not, the best relationship you can have is with yourself. It sounds like something out of a pop psychology book (and it probably is), but that is the one thing that will stay rock solid, no matter what happens in other areas of your life. That’s the unmovable center that remains when everything else falls away, and it is just as important a relationship to cultivate as any other.

Readers – thoughts?

WordPress just sent me a “Your 2011 Year in Blogging” report that provides a year-end summary of the most viewed and most commented on posts for the year. Although I can always see my stats, it’s nice to have all that information in an organized little bundle.

So to welcome in 2012, I’m going to link to the most popular posts of 2011. Read them again or for the first time (or, if you hate reruns, I will see you back here on Thursday).

I hope 2012 turns out to be great for all of you, and thanks for making Tranifesto so successful. Without my readers, I would be writing for myself, and it’s bad enough that I talk to myself!

The Top Five Posts in 2011

The most popular (most viewed) post in 2011 was actually a post I wrote in 2010 – Testosterone and Sex Drive: My Second Adolescence.

The second most popular post in 2011 was written in 2009 – Gay Men Kissing Kicked Out of Restaurant: Why It Matters to Trans People. (Note for SEO buffs: “gay men kissing” seems to be a very popular search engine term, even if it’s not happening much at my house.)

Number three was What Does Being a Man Mean to You?, number four was Chaz Bono on TV: Explaining Heterosexual Dancing to the Children, and rounding out the top five was Meet the New Gender Police – Same as the Old Gender Police.

My most commented post in 2011 was Ask Matt: Coming Home to One’s True Nature, with 52 comments.

And thank you, CaptLex, for being my most active commenter in 2011, followed by Anon, Ethan, Maddox, and Sean.

The majority of my readers were from the United States, with Canada second and the UK third, but I have readers all over the world, including Singapore, the Philippines, South Africa, Kenya, Egypt, Brazil, Venezuela, and Peru. The reach of the Internet continues to amaze me (remember, I grew up when color TV was an innovation).

Again, thanks to all my readers and commenters for a fantastic year. Please stick around for 2012!

Another new year is upon us, and I will admit that I’m the type to make New Year’s resolutions. I’m also the type to break them before January is out the door. I honestly can’t think of any resolutions that I’ve made that I’ve been able to keep long-term.

Eat less? Well, less than the Denver Broncos. Quit smoking? I gave that up a long time ago (not smoking – just bothering to make the resolution).

But this year, as I was thinking about what I really wanted to change in my life, I hit upon an idea. Instead of resolving to quit, stop, reduce, or decrease unwanted behaviors, I’ve decided that I’m going to look at what I’m doing right and resolve to increase that.

These types of resolutions are beneficial to anyone, but I think that, as trans people, we can be especially hard on ourselves and especially negative about the things that we don’t like about ourselves and want to change. We rarely cut ourselves any slack, and we are sometimes so focused on what we are doing wrong that we fail to recognize all the things that we are doing right.

So if you’re tired of making (and breaking) the same old self-critical resolutions every year, instead of changing something that you see as negative, change your mind, instead – about how you view yourself, your accomplishments, and your life. Instead of looking at the “bad” you who needs fixing, look at the “good” you who can only get better.

Forget about what you are doing wrong, and concentrate on what you are doing right. Some examples:

Let’s say you’ve resolved in the past to quit eating junk food. How long did that last? Until you were in a hurry, starving, and remembered the Dollar Menu at the nearest drive-thru. So instead of saying, “I’m not going to eat junk food anymore” (because you know you will), say, “I’m eating fruit once a day now. I think I’ll increase that to twice a day.” Once you start increasing your fruit intake, you won’t be as hungry for junk food anyway (well, theoretically, at least).

Let’s say you’ve resolved in the past to quit jumping all over people who slip up and use the wrong pronoun, because you don’t like yourself after you act that way. This rarely works, because hearing the wrong pronoun sets off a chain reaction that leads from our ears to our brain to our tongue. Instead, say, “When Mary slips and uses the wrong pronoun, I don’t get mad. But when anyone else does, I do get mad. This year, I think I’ll give a pass to Mary and Jim.” You’ve just increased a positive behavior – or at least a forgiving one.

If you want to get in shape, don’t say, “I’m going to join a gym and go three times a week.” If you haven’t done it so far, you probably won’t, and you’re setting yourself up to fail. Instead, say, “I already walk to the post office to get my mail in the morning. I’m going to start walking the same distance in the evening, too.”

Think about five things that you’re already doing right. If you can’t think of five, think of three. If you can’t think of three, think of one. There’s something you’re already doing right or you wouldn’t be getting out of bed in the morning. Then work on increasing that thing or those things.

Just for a year, forget about quitting smoking, giving up junk food, or ending your procrastination (if you can do it on the last day, you can do it on the first day). Instead, focus on what you’re already doing, because if you’re already doing it, then you know it can be done – by you!

Make 2012 “The Year of Doing Right.” Then vow to keep doing the things you are already doing that are working for you and increase them if you can. And instead of belittling yourself for all the things you need to change, celebrate yourself for the things that you don’t need to change. Instead of berating yourself for what’s wrong with you, reward yourself for what’s right with you. I’ll bet your new year will suddenly get better.

Happy New Year!

(P.S. If you can’t think of anything that you’re doing right or anything that’s right about you, ask your best friend to tell you only the good things. You’ll be surprised at how fabulous you are!)

I am taking the holidays off as much as possible, so instead of a regular blog post, today I bring you an excerpt from my upcoming (ETA March 2012) book, Teeny Weenies and Other Short Subjects.

One comment that I got frequently from readers of Just Add Hormones was that it didn’t address my childhood at all, and people were interested in what my younger years were like, so a section of Teeny Weenies consists of essays about my childhood. What follows is part of one of those essays. Hope you are all well and warm and preparing for a better new year. Thanks for reading!

There She Is

When I was growing up, the Miss America Pageant was greeted with a reverence usually reserved for Christmas. The whole neighborhood shut down, and everyone drew their curtains and gathered around the television set as if it were a decorated tree. The phone didn’t ring and no neighbor dared to come calling. There was serious business going on inside those houses, and it had to do with the armchair judging of the most important race in the country. Fewer people probably watched the election returns than the crowning of the most beautiful woman in America.

There was no doubting the importance of this contest. At five years old, I literally believed that a group of judges visited every one of the fifty states, lined up all the women of a certain age against a plain white wall, and chose the most alluring of the bunch to come to Atlantic City for the contest. It was the ultimate goal in life – to be publicly recognized for the most important accomplishment known to womanhood, and to get a crown, a brand new car, and a scholarship besides. There was simply no better deal in existence.

The Miss America Pageant, while not nearly as time-intensive as the whole rigmarole surrounding Christmas, could still take up the better part of a week. There was the endless talking about it at school, the new Big Chief tablets that had to be purchased to keep track of each contestant, preparations for the Barbie doll beauty pageant that took place in my bedroom after the real contest, and the food that had to be prepared for the big night. My mother favored popcorn with real melted butter, Coca-Cola in cartoon jelly glasses, and a bowl of Hershey’s Kisses. Across the street at my friend Sandy’s house, I knew they would be having salami, cheese, crackers, and tomato juice. The ritual was the same – only the trappings differed based on local custom.

I was never conflicted over the questionable wisdom of pairing greasy and fattening snacks with the voyeuristic ritual of watching thin women parading around in swimming suits and high heels. It was just a part of what made the night special. And watching my mother chow down on the junk, I never believed that it could be dangerous. She was as beautiful as any of the contestants, and she even had her own title – Posture Queen, which she’d been granted in finishing school in a contest that I was certain was only a prelude to the real thing, especially since she even got a sash.

She could have easily been Miss America if my father hadn’t interfered by proposing – she was a majorette in high school, so could have aced the talent competition with her baton twirling routine. It must have been a tough choice, but she opted for the family security and the used car and still remained slender and beautiful, even with her extensive popcorn habit.

It was my mother who first made me realize not only the individual importance of being beautiful, but the actual responsibility that a woman had to herself and her family to either naturally possess this attribute or to learn how to create it. My mother naturally possessed it, which then gave her the duty to enhance it – nobody got a free lunch.

And although there weren’t nearly as many cosmetic aids then as there are now, the Avon lady and the local Rexall drugstore offered enough of a selection that no woman had an excuse not to look her radiant best. My mother stockpiled Avon products in much the same way that our next-door neighbors gathered Hershey bars and batteries during the Cuban missile crisis, but Avon was much more of a necessity. If the Russians really did bomb us, our neighbors might be able to listen to their transistor radio and run their flashlight, but how good would they really look doing it? I was pretty sure that, once the mushroom cloud cleared, the cache in my mother’s bathroom would be far more valuable than a brown paper bag full of candy bars in some underground bunker. …

(Continued in Teeny Weenies and Other Short Subjects, scheduled to be released in March 2012)