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Posts Tagged ‘legal’

Some Realities About Public Restrooms

Posted in Commentary, News, tagged , , , , on April 1, 2013 | 16 Comments »

WomenIt’s 2013 and we are still arguing over the right to eliminate.

Colorado has some of the best laws in the country around the protection of trans rights, and our public accommodations law covers transgender and transsexual people, but we are still doing battle over bathrooms. Most recently, a six-year-old girl has been the target of discrimination when, despite our laws of protection, her school is not allowing her to use the girls’ restroom.

And now the state of Arizona, which brought us the most discriminatory racial-profiling bill in recent history, is back at it with SB 1045, which originally mandated discrimination against trans people and would pretty much force everyone, trans or not, to haul their birth certificates around with them in order to use public facilities.

Rep. John Kavanagh, a sponsor of the bill in the state legislature, has now “softened” it to allow, but not force, businesses and organizations to discriminate. He claims he did this in the face of public outcry. (Did he think there wouldn’t be any? He doesn’t know our Arizona trans community very well.)

So just as Colorado proves that a public accommodations law is not going to stop discrimination against trans people, Arizona is letting us know that it really doesn’t care.

And in the trans community, we know that laws such as the one making its way through the Arizona state legislature will negatively impact trans women the most. We also know that these laws are almost always based on an underlying premise of sexual predation.

In the face of all this, I would like to reiterate some of the points I make in Five Points for Non-Trans People About Public Restroom Use and add some additional points here:

> I lived as a girl and a woman for forty-two years. In that time, I used public women’s restrooms tens of thousands of times – at school, at work, in restaurants, in bars, in the mall, at concerts, and at every other possible public venue. In all of those years, not once – not once! – did I see the genitalia of anyone else in any of those restrooms. Over a period of forty-two years, I had no idea who was in the bathroom with me or what the other bodies in there looked like – nor did I care. (And I didn’t show anyone mine, either.) (more…)

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Ask Matt: Making Legal Changes

Posted in Advice, Ask Matt, Information, Observations, tagged , , , , , on March 29, 2013 | 4 Comments »

Question MarkToday we have three letters on various changes regarding gender/sex markers and names. So without further ado, let’s get started.

A reader writes: “I’ve heard that you shouldn’t change your gender marker on your insurance if you haven’t had a hysterectomy yet. What I’m wondering is what to do if you have never been on insurance, but will be in the future (hopefully around August or so). I’m planning on getting a court order to legally change my name and gender marker in a week or two.

“What if I need a hysterectomy years down the road after being legally male for years? When I get on insurance, can I just avoid gender, since they can’t legally require you to disclose (along with race/ethnicity)? And waiting isn’t an option (until after I get a job and insurance). I’ve waited seven years for this. I’m finally in a position where I can, so I’m taking this chance while I have it.”

Insurance is such a slippery slope. Insurance companies pretty much do what they want to do. I no longer have insurance, but when I did, and my employer switched to a new plan, I tried not putting any gender down. They looked at my name and put one down for me in their records – male. So even if you have never had insurance before, if you put nothing down, they will likely decide for you.

I didn’t know that insurance companies could not require you to disclose. The problem that you might run into, even if you put down nothing and they don’t choose for you, is that, if they agree to pay for “male” things, like hormones (if your doctor codes it as “low testosterone” or something), then they won’t pay for “female” things, like a hysterectomy or pelvic exams. If they agree to pay for pelvic exams, then they won’t pay for testosterone replacement. At least they will try not to.

Even before my insurance company chose my gender for me (based on my name, I’m assuming), I had insurance with another company where I did list myself as male. Every year, they denied my PAP test and pelvic exam claim, and every year, I appealed and won. I worded my appeal like this (or something similar): “I understand that you cover this procedure for people who have a particular set of organs, and I have those organs.”

It always worked, and I recommended it to my friend, who had a different insurance carrier, and it worked for him as well. So I would suggest either leaving the gender part blank and letting them figure it out, or putting down “Male.” That way, if you are male at your job, you won’t have to out yourself if you don’t want to, and even if you are out to human resources, you won’t have to be out to anyone in the organization who has access to your file. (more…)

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Ask Matt: Names, Labels, and Identities

Posted in Advice, Ask Matt, Information, Observations, tagged , , , , , on February 11, 2013 | 7 Comments »

Question MarkWe have two reader questions in one post today, and in order to catch up with my backlog of Ask Matt questions, I will be posting a Thursday edition this week as well, so be looking for that.

Readers, as always, your insights and experiences are much appreciated, so please join the conversation in the Comments section. And here we are with today’s questions:

A reader writes: “My transgender daughter is legally changing her name next week and has decided to use my maiden name instead of her father’s last name due to his not being acceptable of the whole situation. My question is: How will this affect my husband’s legal responsibility towards her, health insurance and other scenarios. Plus, how does she handle telling my husband, who will not even begin to discuss the whole matter with me?”

First of all, thank you for being so supportive of your daughter. I’m sorry that your husband does not feel the same way – at least at this time.

I don’t know how old your daughter is, but if she is a minor, and her father is named on her birth certificate or if he has legally adopted her, the fact that she changes her name will not change this. She is still legally his child.

I don’t know if a parent is required to put a minor child on his/her health insurance policy (lawyers out there?). If not, he can probably drop her from the policy if he chooses. But with regard to his legal responsibilities toward her, he still has them unless he goes to court, files to have his parental rights terminated, and is successful in doing so (he is not likely to attempt to do this, and if he does, he is not likely to succeed).

I’m not a lawyer, but my understanding is that if your child is an adult (eighteen in the United States), your husband is not legally responsible for her in any way (and neither are you, for that matter). He doesn’t have to provide her with health insurance or any other form assistance. Under the Affordable Care Act, he can keep her on his policy until she is twenty-six, but he is in no way required to do so.

As far as talking to him about the name change, if your child is an adult, she doesn’t have to. However, if she still is on his health insurance policy, on his life insurance policy, or in his will, he will likely want to update these with her new name, although I don’t think that a name change on her part would negate any of these, even if they reflect her old name for quite a while to come. But for the most accurate legal information, you need to consult an attorney if you can afford one. (more…)

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Ask Matt: Should I Defend Myself Against Other Women?

Posted in Advice, Ask Matt, Observations, tagged , , , , on January 14, 2013 | 13 Comments »

Question MarkA reader writes: “First off, let me say I despise violence, drama, etc. My nerves can’t handle it, and being bipolar, it’s a huge trigger for depression, etc. Sadly, however, bigots even within our family are a reality.

“I have been on HRT (hormone replacement therapy) since 2001. And have had bilateral orchiectomy (testicle removal). If I could afford SRS, I would have it years ago. SSI (Supplemental Security Income) is all I get, however, and that ain’t a whole lot.

“So now my question: There have been times, and last week, where so-called bio women threaten me or even assault me. Then when I stand up for myself, there is almost always a man who steps in and says, ‘No, you’re a dude. You’re not going to touch a woman.’

“Are they right? Or do I have the right to assert that ‘Hey, I am too a woman and can defend myself against another woman like any other woman?’”

I’m sorry that you have had to deal with this. Assault is a hugely emotional and triggering topic, so I am going to preface this reply with a very big “in my opinion.” So here goes:

IN MY OPINION, a person who is being assaulted has the right to defend him- or herself, regardless of that person’s gender or the gender of the assailant.

That said, the way I see it is that there are two goals when a person is being assaulted: to stay alive and to escape the situation with as little bodily harm as possible. Given those two goals, the first and best response to a threat or an attack is to leave the situation, if that is possible.

If the assault is a threat, a shove, or even a punch in the mouth, if you can get away, you need to do so. Walk, run, whatever you need to do to leave the situation. Staying in the situation, or responding verbally or physically, can escalate it, leading to further assault and more danger. (more…)

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Ask Matt Briefs: Short Questions, Short Answers

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , , , on November 12, 2012 | 4 Comments »

Question MarkThe Ask Matts are accumulating again, so we have a column of briefs, more substantial than what is in my own.

A reader writes: “I am transitioning and I have decided that I don’t want testosterone treatment simply because I do not desire facial hair or chest hair. I am planning on having top surgery, but not bottom surgery. Is there a place for trans guys who aren’t going full-board male? I’ve heard of non-ops, but what about not taking T? I will be attending my first support group soon, and I am so nervous and so excited at the same time.”

There is definitely a place for trans guys who are not taking hormones, not having surgery, or both. One of the “problems” with medical transition is that there is a certain path that has been put out there as a “blueprint” or a “map,” and the expectation is that everyone will follow this path. The reality is that not everyone does, and only you can determine what constitutes “transition” and “done” for you.

Another (unfortunate) reality is that, in some cases, you will not be taken seriously, not only by non-trans people, but by some trans people as well. Depending on the community, there can be hierarchies, where those who are using hormones and have had surgery are at the top of the hierarchy and consider themselves to be “more trans” or “more legitimate” than those who are not using hormones or have not had surgery. This doesn’t occur everywhere, but it can happen, and it can happen even in support groups.

I encourage you to go to your support group and get the lay of the land. It’s normal to be incredibly nervous before your first support group. It’s okay not to talk or share a lot, but it’s also okay to tell them whatever you want them to know about you. If the group is accepting of everyone, you will soon know it. If the group tries to tell you that you are “doing transition wrong” or delegitimizes you in any way, find another group. (more…)

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The Michelle Kosilek Decision: More Than the Needs of the One

Posted in Commentary, News, tagged , , , , on September 6, 2012 | 54 Comments »

Our community seems sharply divided on the recent decision by U.S. District Judge Mark Wolf to allow convicted killer Michelle Kosilek to undergo transition surgery while in prison, paid for by the state of Massachusetts.

I understand the anger and frustration of those who have worked three jobs, sold their possessions, and still can’t afford to pay for this surgery. They think, “I have been a law-abiding citizen all my life and I can’t afford to have surgery, but a convicted murderer can get it for free? How fair is that?”

Probably not all that fair, actually. But, in my opinion, the Michelle Kosilek decision is about far more than one person – one murderer, even – getting her transition surgery covered by the state. I think there are some points that we have to look at with regard to this decision, all of which take Kosilek out of the equation entirely.

1. First of all, we have to examine whether or not federal, state, and local governments should pay for medical care for their prisoners. If the answer is yes, then the decision could go no other way. If transition is, in fact, medically necessary, and if, in fact, a civilized government provides health care to those who it incarcerates, then the government must provide medically necessary care to all its prisoners. It cannot discriminate on the basis of some false morality, or on the “worthiness” of the individual receiving the care.

We either treat our prisoners humanely or we don’t, and providing necessary health care is the humane thing to do. It’s not a matter of who “deserves” it and who doesn’t. It’s a matter of whether or not we are going to provide it to our prisoners – period. (more…)

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Inclusivity, Exclusion, and Safe Space: Can These Concepts Coexist?

Posted in Commentary, tagged , , , , on July 2, 2012 | 21 Comments »

Quite a few years ago, a friend and I wanted to stage a one-day get-together for female-born, male-identified (language has changed since then – this is the language we used at the time) individuals living in Colorado.

Our purpose was three-fold: to get as many of us together as possible to find out overall needs throughout the state; to try to determine the numbers of us throughout the state; and to reach out to those in rural areas who might not be receiving services or who might need connections.

This was going to be a small event, with perhaps three or four “workshops” and a main gathering area for guys to meet and have conversations and discussion. We wanted to make it free and accessible. We had a concept, but we needed an organizing committee, because even a brief event requires volunteers and planners to make it come to fruition.

When we got our committee together, we had the inevitable disagreements on what the thing should look like. But the biggest problem was with inclusion. One committee member suggested that, in order to be inclusive, we needed a space for significant others, and this seemed logical. We could have a private room and maybe have a couple of SOs who would set up some kind of programming, or just have peer-led discussions.

Another member suggested that, in order to be inclusive, we needed to invite those who were female-born but did not necessarily identify as male. Another suggested that, in order to be inclusive, we really needed to invite male-born, female-identified people as well. And, of course, we would need to invite family members, allies, and so on, plus we needed to have programming for all.

By the time we had our inclusive attendee demographics identified, we were basically having an event for everyone. It was a full-scale conference that we had neither the time or the finances to provide, let alone the human power to bring it all together. Our desire for inclusivity had basically grounded our gathering before it left the runway.

It also left us with an event that was not for the original intended audience at all and would not have served the original identified purposes. There was no real space for female-born, male-identified individuals to gather and form community. Now, the community was everyone. (more…)

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Ask Matt: MTF Transition in a Highly Conservative Field

Posted in Advice, Ask Matt, Information, tagged , , , , on June 25, 2012 | 32 Comments »

Question MarkA reader writes: “I work for a defense contractor (a heavily conservative field) in one of the most conservative states in the U.S. and am in the process of transition (I’ve been on hormones about eleven months). Couple this with the fact that I’m still just a consultant, not an employee, and can be let go at any time simply because my coworkers don’t like me (something I’ve struggled against already). As you can imagine, I still have to work in guy mode.

“However, I’m in that limbo where I get called ‘ma’am’ in guy mode and ‘sir’ when presenting as the real me. I’ve found that I hate wearing the mask that is guy mode so much now that it takes me a couple of hours to decompress from the masquerade I spend all day doing. I don’t want to lose my job, but I want to be true to myself.

“I’m reaching my wit’s end where I’m beginning to snap at my cis ally friends who are trying to be supportive, simply because they don’t understand what it feels like and how hard it is for me. I’ve tried discussing this with my therapist (a cis lesbian), who just suggested listening to music that ‘makes me feel feminine’ on my way home from work, which is no help.

“So I come here, asking you and your readers, my trans brothers and sisters, what to do. How do I reconcile my identity with my desire to keep a decent job in this economy? If I can stay with it a couple of years, I could save up enough money to pay for all of my transition, including surgeries. The pay is just that good. What can I do?”

I think that one of the most difficult places to transition, particularly from male to female, is within a “good-ol’-boy” environment, which is what I would imagine a defense contractor in a conservative state to be. I didn’t have this experience, but I’m sure some of my readers did, so I’m hoping that we’ll get some opinions and tips from those with first-hand knowledge.

There are people who will tell you to wait (and that might be the best option), because in two years, you will be able to afford everything that you want. But this is one experience I have had – being told to wait (in my case, just for a couple of months) before I started presenting as male because of a major event that I had to host for my employer. I did wait, but it was agony. People don’t understand this. It doesn’t make sense to anyone who hasn’t been there. (more…)

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Ask Matt: New School and New Life for Trans Child

Posted in Advice, Ask Matt, tagged , , , , , , on June 14, 2012 | 28 Comments »

Question MarkA reader writes: “My child has recently started vocalizing her need to transition to male. We are currently working on this while school is out for summer. We are moving, so he (as I will refer to my Evan the rest of this message) will have a new start in a new school.

“Evan is only eight years old, but has identified with male gender since age two. Do you have any advice for us with the school system? We live in Georgia, by the way.

“Also, the family is not accepting of Evan. I, of course, am, as well as my boyfriend and ex-husband (Evan’s dad). Everyone else says I’m taking the gender issue too far, I’m ‘turning her gay,’ etc. My ex’s mother begged Evan not to get his hair cut short (did it anyway, he wanted spiky hair, he’s got it), my sister won’t take him swimming because the boy swimming trunks would make her hubby uncomfortable, plus she doesn’t want her kids exposed to it, etc.

“I am letting my child take the lead in what makes him comfortable. I really don’t care about anyone else’s comfort or lack thereof, since it is important that Evan feel comfortable in his skin. Any advice there, too? Thank you in advance. I really hope I’m not the only parent with these questions.”

You are definitely not the only parent with these questions, and after you read this post and the comments (because my readers have fantastic, insightful things to say that you’ll want to hear), I suggest that you contact TransYouth Family Allies. You can get lots of information there and find ways to hook up with other parents in a similar situation.

First of all, thank you for supporting your child. This is a difficult situation for many parents, and more often than not, they remain in denial and ignore the situation entirely or attempt to change their child, sometimes through highly damaging types of therapeutic treatments or hospitalization.

Fortunately, an increasing number of parents are becoming aware of trans issues and finding ways to help their children. The fact that Evan will be starting over at a new school as male is fantastic. That makes it so much easier for him socially and academically. However, a lot of his success will depend on the school system, and they might not be as open-minded and accepting as you are.

I would advise you to start early in preparing for school. I don’t know if his records from his old school will be sent to the new school when he enrolls or if you will be hand delivering them, but I think that an appointment should be scheduled with the school administrators as soon as possible. (more…)

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‘Don’t Call Us, and We Won’t Call You’ – Law Enforcement and the Trans Community

Posted in Commentary, News, tagged , , , , on June 7, 2012 | 26 Comments »

A couple of years ago, I attended a community forum in Denver that was set up so that trans people could meet with local police and discuss our community’s concerns.

The police representatives present were from a newly formed “diversity”-type unit that was created to work specifically with marginalized communities, including LGBT communities, and to investigate possible hate crimes or crimes that appeared to specifically target members of these particular communities.

The officers and detectives in attendance were friendly, attentive, and open to suggestion and criticism. They listened carefully as community members, primarily trans women, expressed their safety fears and detailed their experiences with police, some of which were not too pleasant.

The police assured the attendees that they were there for us and that they would take our complaints seriously. But, they said, “You have to call us. We can’t help you if you don’t call.”

And they’re right about that. The police can’t help if they’re not called. Unfortunately, it’s not that simple.

The primary targets of hate crimes in our community, from destruction of property to verbal threats, and from physical and sexual assault to murder, are trans women – and, more specifically, trans women of color. And although there are enough case files to fill a library, we need only look to the case of CeCe McDonald to discover why trans women of color, or any trans woman, might be hesitant to call the police about threats or even assault.

Everyone probably knows by now that McDonald is a black trans woman who was verbally and physically assaulted, along with her companions, by white attackers. In the melee that followed, including McDonald’s attempts to defend herself, one of the attackers was killed.

McDonald was charged with two counts of second-degree murder, and she recently accepted a plea agreement that reduced her charge to second-degree manslaughter – and resulted in a sentence of almost four years in prison. As of now, it appears that McDonald will serve her sentence in a men’s facility, where she will once again be at high risk of physical and sexual assault – all because she tried to defend herself against a brutal attack. (more…)

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